#but somehow managed to get fast internet

[theethoslab]

Absolutely losing my mind over Scar’s stream today

He was already talking to Etho while catching ocelots

Joel logs in and Scar immediately asks if Etho wants to go visit him

We get so many Etho lore crumbs (although he doesn’t fully confirm anything except having stubble and trying to get rid of 2 extra house generators)

They hang out for like 2 hours doing nothing hut chatting

Eventually Scar leaves but forgot that he left his ocelots at Etho’s because he was so excited about boat boys that he never brought them home

[dear-ao3]

the 2024 formula 1 silly season and drama master post, part 2 (part 1 here)

Hello and welcome to ah fucking fuck auto caps fuck fuck fuck how do i turn off auto caps AHA there we go okay. take 2

hello and welcome to the great and very insane formula 1 2024 season drama post, part 2. if you are new here or are just looking for part one (which contains the previous 16 (?) races, the off season, pre season testing and everything else, that can be found HERE. (a word to the wise: open it in a browser, not the app, and preferably on a computer to avoid crashing. its fucking long). 

what the hell is formula 1? car go fast. fastest cars in the world zoom around tracks at top speeds of over 300kph, piloted by the top 20 drivers in the world. it might not sound dramatic, but oh man. you will Not be disappointed. this post focuses on the drama, the insanity, the sheer what the hell how is this a serious sport. no legitimately. we've just about seen it all this year. grindr, dogs, watersports, ice cream brands, its all here.

the point of this post? to educate, to catalog the insane drama, and to just have a good time. people like to gatekeep this sport, there is also a lot happening. i try to make it easy to understand. again, probably best to start at the beginning of the post because it does a pretty good job of explaining things, which i began way back in january, and can be found HERE (again, shes long, be careful)

and, as usual, if you do not want to see this post EVER AGAIN, block the tag #saph explains silly season 2024

and a second caution, i assume this post will be getting long as well. including this one we have minimum 9 updates left!

anyway, those of you who have been following along the whole time, welcome back! i know we got a little delayed. and i know we’re on a new post, so lets just briefly take a second for me to explain what the fuck happened. first i had an anatomy test, second i work 2 jobs with fuck ass hours, third tumblr decided to stop letting me look at any of my drafts, fourth tumblr support ghosted me about the drafts issue and the post was half saving half not so i just decided fuck it, were going with post 2, electric boogaloo, and fifth, i decided to start typing this instead in a google docs so. many changes. if you're new here i am usually more on top of this.

but here we are. were back on street circuits. we’re in baku, azerbaijan, for the start of the last third of the season. 8 races remain, world championship titles are still within grasp of multiple people. the drama is dramaing. and today is september 22, 2024 and lets fucking go. 

first and foremost, on account of the fact that this post is late (again, see above), were going to have to do a bit of a speed run. if you're new here, i promise that this is not representative of my normal dedication to the update post. and for those asking, yeah, ill probably compile it somewhere better than a tumblr post after its all said and done, but we don't have time for that now. 

what we do have time for is the Off Week (and like some of the media stuff). and it was filled with silliness: 

george russell decided to wear what can only be described as slightly ugly yellow short shorts with his taylor swift shirt that he got at the eras tour. this was baffling for several reasons, the main reason being that i don't think the internet knew that he was capable of wearing a graphic t shirt

fernando alonso got his aston martin valkyrie finally. in case you are unfamiliar, a valkyrie i think is the worlds fastest street legal car. he posted tweets about this that made it seem like he wanted to fuck the car. hilariously, the car broke down an hour later.

we also had the very thrilling conclusion to grill the grid. oscar won and he somehow managed to look more pleased about his grill the grid win than his first race victory. 

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nico rosberg went to the green awards and he wore a fantastically insane teal blue suit. yes i know hes not a current driver. but you all like hearing about him so ask and you shall receive. unfornunately i cant find a picture of it though

and also not a current driver is mick schumacher, but my roommate asked me to include that he was seen on his girlfriends instagram being bad at golf. like. exceptionally bad at golf. like he hit a tree 20 feet in front of him.

also playing golf was lando norris. except he managed to look like try bolton from high school musical 2.

he also talked about the world driver championship with his friend max fewtrell while they were playing golf. unfortunately i lost this link in the sea of technical difficulties, but the gist of it was that he was saying that there is still hope for him to beat max in the championship (hes about 60 points behind right now). lando doesnt usually talk about the championship because he doesnt want news outlets to paint him as “desperate” so this was interesting

charles leclerc had an insane off week. first he rear ended someone in monaco. then he spoke at a yacht conference. he was not scheduled to speak at said yacht conference, he was there doing something else and they were like hey you're cool people know you, heres a microphone. he alsp ended up on a weather channel while promoting a karting event he was doing for the jules bianchi foundation (his god father, the one who died during the f1 race in japan 2014). he also changed his instagram pop and re centered it because some random tiktoker told him it matched his aesthetic better.

oscar piastri posted a photo of himself sitting in the cockpit of a plane and then promptly deleted it. because he posted it on 9/11. for anyone who doesnt know what that is, that was when some terrorists hijacked commercial planes and few them into the world trade centers in nyc and the pentagon in washington dc

max verstappen also posted a plane pic with himself and lando norris, but he did not delete it.

we also had the return of daniel ricciardo’s jpg instagram account, which is kinda like a finsta for photos that hes taken. i think lando started this a few years ago. 

heading into the race week we certainly got a weird ass batch of pr. including but not limited to:

lewis hamilton was back on top and slaying in the fit game. as was yuki. 

lewis hamilton also exposed george russell as listening to katy perry pre race. katy perry and taylor swift (this was after he claimed that he liked listening to old school rap music.) though, lewis then started singing wrecking ball???? confusing vibes all around

george was not off the hook yet tho because some intern definitely make him say skidibidi toilet or whatever the thing is idk, i might be gen z but im not insufferable, okay? actually george in baku was just all kinds of unhinged

george and alex also got up to something, what it is no one knows but it is clearly something

max pulled up to the paddock de aged about 10 years. picture one is of him in baku in 2015 (i believe he was 17) and picture 2 is this year. no i am not kidding. 

and franco walked into the paddock telling everyone about argentinian mate (which is a drink, not a friend)

and max shoved a microphone out of the way so everyone could gossip

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then of course, we had some slightly more relevant drama

haas announced that ollie would be replacing kevin at baku. in case you forgot, kevin magnussen received a total of 12 penalty points over the season so far, which means he gets one race ban. how did he get the points? well he was mostly wreaking havoc on everyone else so that his teammate, nico hulkenberg, could drag his car into the points. lets all remember the time in saudi arabia where he managed to get 20 seconds of penalties by basically driving like a mad man just to make sure that nico could keep his position after he pit stopped. anyway, nico was kind of pissed about the race ban situation and said “maybe the guidelines for F1 penalties need to be reviewed as the stewards ‘want to get involved’ no matter the contact.”

in any case though, k mags was out. and ollie was in. we’ve seen ollie before. notably he subbed in for carlos sainz at the saudi arabia gp when carlos had appendicitis. he managed to get points as well. since then, he has been announced as a haas driver for 2025 and is now subbing in for k mags (haas, later in the week called him a super sub. clearly no gen z person read that over.) he can do this because ferrari has a haas engine so they share reserve drivers.

adrian newey finally got employed. i know! i can hardly believe it either! but he did! and youll never guess where! 

ferrari? no that would be too obvious. 

mercedes? nah

williams? no too much of a shit show

aston martin? ding ding ding! just the right amount of shit show! 

that is right. newey is going to aston for 2025. 

apparently he was offered a “good package” according to himself, which i assume means pay and also the fact that lawrence stroll made him a shareholder? stakeholder? whatever its called. in the team itself. basically he has a lot of power. 

he said that he always wanted to work with fernando and lewis. and he couldn't do both. and aston had a better package than ferrari. 

fernando looked positively evil during all the announcement pictures. and called the team "definitely the team of the future" and for those of you who don't know, fernando is positively evil. hes just been stuck in a shit box and we havent seen very much of him, but man does he know how to evilly slut it up. so that will be fun to see.

by contrast, people said that lance was not excited enough. and well. lance 1. has resting bitch face and 2. never really looks excited about anything. also he lives in a world where take your child to work day somehow became his job. (his dad owns the team).

lewis hamilton was asked what he thought about adrian not going to ferrari, and here's what he had to say:

"i feel like, while I have mentioned before that it would be an honor to work with adrian, i have been privileged to work with two championship winning teams that didnt have adrian."

mclaren announced pato o ward would do FP1 in mexico. who is pato o ward? hes one of mclaren’s indycar drivers and one of the f1 reserve drivers. he is incredibly charming and definitely runs his own social media as seen here:

mclaren Also claim they figured out who their number 2 driver is and they claim its oscar. i say they claim because the statements were a lot more complex than that. essentially, according to andrea stella, the priority is to the team first, then lando and then oscar. so they didn't outright say that oscar is the number 2 driver and i am willing to bet real money that this is because mr mark webber, oscars manager, has something in oscars contract that prevents him from being a number 2 driver. this is of course because mark webber was one of the most infamous number 2 drivers in f1 history to none other than menace war criminal sebastian vettel, who in their time as teammates, managed to win 4 back to back world champions. or, top to bottom if you're mrs darbus from high school musical. 

lando was asked about this and he said that yes, the team does support him. though he would not expect oscar to give up a win for him and that it is more complex behind the scenes. i suppose we will see if there are any papaya rules coming out this weekend….

and oscar said "i think the main point is its not purely just going to be me pulling over for lando every single race, because thats how none of us, including lando, wont want to go racing, if we feel that someone has done a much better job on a weekend, whichever way it is, we want that person to be rewarded."

max verstappen commented on the mclaren situation as well. which was funny mostly because red bull has one of the most defined number 1 and number 2 drivers of any team. he said "you look at it form oscar's perspective, he is closer to lando than lando to me. they have to deal with that."

and allow me to put on a tin foil hat as we are about to talk about the future of the red bull seat. because all i have to offer here is a baseball hat and a red bull can. 

a long time ago we talked about the red bull cans. the ones that red bull makes to promote f1. at the end of last season red bull put max and checo on the red bull can. this season at the start it was just max on the red bull can. well. now checo has reappeared on the cans too. and i will tell you what i think this means. it means that checo is not getting swapped this season, which was a possibility for awhile. 

but! there is more! 

daniel ricciardo made an instagram post this week. and it was very interesting. but most interestingly he was wearing a red bull hat.

which he does occasionally, no big deal really. he did race for the for several years, he technically does currently. BUT then he showed up TO THE PADDOCK wearing the red bull hat.

which is Big Interesting. usually you show up in a statement outfit or wearing the team kit. and daniel is not a red bull racing driver. he is a visa cashapp racing bulls driver. they might be owned by red bull but they are Not the same team. so why the red bull hat. in the paddock. well, the rumor is that hes taking checos seat for 2025. and the rumor is that this will be announced before mexico. so checo can have a proper send off. 

and with that. the baku lore. 

theres a lot that has happened at baku. as i said its a street circuit. and i think its the fastest street circuit. but over the years theres been some notable events. 

such as the great kimi raikkonen radio for gloves and steering wheel:

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they gave mini kimi this week gloves and steering wheel in honor of that

the max and daniel crash in 2018 when they were running p1 and p2 respectfully

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and of course. how could we forget. charles’s infamous “i am stupid” radio.

speaking of charles, he crashed again in fp1. not quite in the same spot, but nearly. he took a picture with the marshalls. 

then in fp2 he rage quit, basically saying that the car sucks. 

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but he was back and better than ever in practice three because he managed to top the time charts. welcome back fuck ass ferrari.

some other teams definitely experienced the lows but not really the highs of baku during practice. like lance stroll who came on the radio to say “this is not a car” (good thing they have adrian newey now, right? 

franco colapinto also cut his ear before practice on the neck strengthener stretcher thing that they all use and the team wanted to give him stitches but he was like no no no i need to be in the car in about 5 minutes im not doing that. so he jammed on his helmet and jumped in the car. he also crashed and when he went to the medical center he took off his helmet and there was blood everywhere and they were like no no no you cannot race! and he was like no! this is not from the crash! and then explained it and they let him do qualifying. 

also im pretty sure? ollie bearman crashed? in practice? but frankly i don't have time to google it so whos to say. 

but alas. qualifying. 

i know i know this is kind of a shitty update. i promise ill go all out in singapore. i PROMISE. 

so as i said. its a street circuit. high speed. 90 degree corners. and also windy as hell. we also had the dynamic duo of karun and harry in the commentary box. 

max led the first practice, george led the second and i think charles led the third. or some order like that. 

slipstream here is almost essential (slipstream: going behind another car to reduce the wind drag so you can go faster) 

charles has the last three pole positions (first in qualifying) here in baku, but he has never won. by comparison, red bull have never had pole here but they have won. 

and franco has never been to baku before. 

i think that's all the exposition that we need here. 

q1 started with max complaining about his car. “the car is jumping around like crazy on the rear axle” he said. despite this he was sitting in p3. 

the mid field battle though….the mid field battle was heating the hell up. mostly because none other than franco colapinto, who if you will remember, has never been to baku before, had split the two ferraris. he was in third for the moment, .109 seconds behind carlos sainz and .159 seconds ahead of charles leclerc. we still had a lot of qualifying left to go, so this was probably not going to stay, but it was still insane. he was pushing insanely hard, nearly kissing the walls. clearly he had learned from his crash in practice. 

the two mclarens waited until the very end of q1 to do their final flying push lap, and oscar made it through, but tragedy struck for lando. 

lando was in the middle of his last flying lap, time was ticking down, and there was a Very Brief yellow flag on the track. now, according to rules, you cannot complete your flying lap if there is a yellow flag. so lando pitted and was stuck down in 17th and out of qualifying. this would be the first time that he was out in q1 since vegas last year (which if i remember correctly was also not his fault) 

now though, of course nothing is ever that cut and dry. people thought that there had been a mis showing of a flag. yellow flag means that a car is stopped on track, white flag means that a car is going slowly on the track. and people thought that there had been a yellow flag shown when it was actually supposed to be a white flag (if there had been a white flag then lando would have been able to keep doing his flying lap) lando himself said that he had no idea what people were talking about because there is a light on the steering wheel that lights up when flags are called and he had a big yellow light. so it was clearly a yellow flag. 

if you're concerned about lando being able to pull it out of the bag, id like to point you in the direction of the mexican gp last year where lando qualified 17th and finished 5th. on a track that was hard to overtake on. he can be absolutely insane when he wants to be. worry not gentle reader. 

in any case. also out in q1 was daniel ricciardo, valtteri bottas, zhou guanyu and esteban ocon.

and notably, williams, who was on fucking fire this weekend as we already saw, finished q1 with alex albon in second (ahead of oscar) and franco colapinto in 8th. pierre gasly had somehow managed to also get into 4th. and nico hulkenberg was in 7th with ollie bearman in 13th. i told you the mid field battle was heating the hell up. 

q2. everyone zoomed straight out of the gate. they didn't want to get lando norris’d. but, speaking of that, if lando managed to get no points in the race and charles managed to win, charles would overtake lando in the drivers championship. mark webber himself told this to charles, who was absolutely baffled. 

in any case, charles was kinda suffering right now and that was because he was not getting slipstream from carlos to make his lap faster. meanwhile, carlos seemed to be actively trying to give charles the slipstream because he came on radio to say “he keeps missing the tow” 

and amazingly, franco colapinto was 4 tenths AHEAD of alex albon. alex albon who had not been unqualified by his teammate once since the start of 2023. ex red bull driver alex albon. that alex albon. 

max topped the times in q2, followed immediately by charles. insanely, fernando alonso managed to drag the aston martin to fifth. and franco was right behind him in 6th. by comparison alex albon was in 10th. 

and from q2 we lost ollie bearman, yuki tsunoda (who has never qualified lower than 8th in baku), pierre gasly, nico hulkenberg and lance stroll. so yes, ollie bearman managed to outqualify nico hulkenberg. this is ollies second ever f1 race. 

steaming on forward to q3. 

we had, for review, in q3 the following: 

both ferraris, both red bulls, both mercedes, both WILLIAMS (has not happened since vegas 2023), plus fernando alonso and oscar piastri. 

right out the gate it was wild. 

“red bull! theyve re found their mojo! or have they!” karun said. red bull were in 5th and 6th and not entirely sucking for the moment. 

everyone did one flyer and then came out at the end for a second flyer. 

here were the standings: 

charles, carlos, oscar, george, checo, max, lewis, alex, franco, fernando

and everyone was making it to the line and all was going smooth until-

wait a second what is that

could it be! alex albon! with the air box fan still on his car! surely not!!!

oh but it was! and harry and karun were like oh wow so unfortunate for williams tisk tisk

meanwhile ted jumped on the radio to Loudly announce to everyone that this was insane and if i have time here i will put the rant he ranted cause it was Fantastic.

and what do you know i have time

so we had 3 minutes left qualifying and everyone was pulling out of the pits for their last flyer when oscar hopped on the radio to say

"the williams still has the air box fan in"

"oh what an error! disaster for williams!" karun and harry said. they speculated if the marshalls could get it or if the session needed to be red flagged. but alex threw the fan off the car.

and then they asked "ted have you ever seen that before?" and ted did not hold back:

"ITS A MASSIVE YELLOW FAN HOW COULD YOU MISS IT???!!! HOW COULD THE MECHANICS MISS IT???? I CANT BELIVE THEY WOULD MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE DOWN AT WILLIAMS! SUCH AN EXPERIENCED BUNCH OF GUYS AND GIRLS! WHAT IS GOING ON AT WILLIAMS OPERATIONALLY? HOW COULD YOU SEND A CAR OUT LIKE THAT?"

alex, obviously, got fined for an unsafe release 5k euros. he also had to throw the fan off to the side and got slightly covered in dry ice. he did not get to the a second flying lap. 

franco did tho!

and here were out qualifying results: 

p1: charles p2: oscar p3: carlos p4: checo p5: george p6: max p7: lewis p8: fernando p9: franco p10: alex  p11: ollie p12: yuki p13: pierre p14: nico p15: lance p16: daniel  p17: lando p18: valtteri p19: zhou p20: esteban 

oh ho ho but we werent done yet. because pierre gasly got disqualified from qualifying. for failing fuel flow regulations. and lewis was going to have to start from the pit lane for changing his power unit. 

everyone, and by everyone i mean oscar max and checo, pretty much said that charles was going to get pole no matter what, they knew this coming in and the best they were trying for was second

onto the race. 

notably, this is considered a checo track. this was one of the three races that max did not win last year. because checo won it. its a track that he does well on, evidenced by the fact that he qualified above max in qualifying. so people were expecting big things from him.

and so, we head into lap 1.

charles managed to hang onto the lead. checo passed carlos straight out of the gate for third and max managed to pass george to take fifth. lando had managed to get ahead of nico and up into 13th. notably, franco held onto 8th and ollie was able to hold onto tenth. 

someone who was not doing well was lance stroll, who came on the radio saying that he had a puncture. this was from contact with yuki. lance had to pit for fresh tires and was pretty immediately thrown to the back of the grid. 

by lap 2 lando had managed to get past daniel and was in 12th, he was trying to get past yuki next, which he managed by lap 3. yuki also lost a  spot to nico. 

also slaying in the mclaren was oscar, who took fastest lap. then charles took fastest lap.

and lewis hamilton, who had started from the pit lane, was up to 16th. already. somehow. though he was displeased with the tires, sayig that “this tire is pretty bad” over the radio. 

yuki meanwhile was clearly having a problem because he had started going very very slowly. thought the pit wall said that he had no problems. this would later turn out to be false but we will indulge them for the time being. 

franco was STILL ahead of alex albon on lap 6. STILL. 

lando on lap 8 managed to push his way into points positions, overtaking ollie bearman for 10th. though this was where things were about to slow down for him because in front of him were alex, franco and fernando, who were all very close together and would be hard to get past. 

george was back in bad luck hell as a plastic bag entered his airbox. will he ever catch a break. 

on lap 11 nico hulkenberg finally caught up with ollie bearman and passed him for 11th. 

and max’s car was not working. to potentially no one’s surprise. “i have zero bite in the car” he said. and this was probably true because checo was a whole 6.5 seconds ahead of him. insane gap. 

several pit stops later that i will not detail out because we simply do not have the time, alex albon ended up in 4th and lando ended up in fifth. and oscar was about to get undercut by checo. 

“mojo seems to be back for checo perez” harry said, correctly. 

mojo was back for him indeed. and now he was right behind lando. 

and if you will recall, according to mclaren themselves, priority at mclaren is the team first, then oscar, then lando. but oscar was ahead of lando. so what did mclaren do? 

they asked lando do hold up perez, but not compromise his own race. 

remever a long time ago when i said mclaren wouldn't have any internal drama this season? man how i was wrong.

lando managed to hold up perez for around a lap or two before he got past. this was crucial because this was during when oscar was in the pits. 

thanks to lando and the power of the papaya rules teamwork, oscar ended up coming out in 4th, only .706s ahead of checo. 

mclaren are working together everyone! mclaren are working together!

meanwhile, turns out that yuki did indeed have problems because he retired on lap 17 with a hole in his sidepod from the contact with lance on lap 1. this was now two races in a row where he had had to retire for reasons out of his control. 

several more people pitted. and eventually charles was back out in front, oscar was in p2. until he wasn't. no, he didn't dnf. he overtook charles! he was in p1! he popped out of nowhere! nowhere being 2 car lengths back and just flooring it to spring around charles like a little silly slinky! karun called it a “good, fair and robust defense,” which sounds like its descibing notes in wine. but this was not wine. this was the baku gp. and we were only half done. 

ollie bearman was defending against lewis hamilton, holding on tightly to 14th place. 

charles was still behind oscar and he could not get past, despite the fact that he was still very much in spitting distance. “they are pushing like crazy or they have more grip than us” he said. 

carlos got past both lando and alex albon and was up into 4th

this brought max up behind lando. max was on 11 lap old tires and lando was on 24 lap old tires. but lando still defended like hell and managed to hold onto sixth. max was 0.632 seconds behind lando on lap 25 when he said that “my brakes are not working.” this was hardly a surprise. max has hated the car since china.

also experiencing technical difficulties was sir lewis hamilton. he was stuck down in 14th and was first told to do “everything you can do to get the surface temp down” of the tires. he said “im trying” then several laps later on lap 29 he came on the radio to say “are you seeing how i have to drive this thing?” “yes,” bono, his engineer said. “quite effective though.” 

max was still half a second behind lando. mclaren faked a pit stop call over the radio to get max to pit. he did not. 

but, george russell did manage to pass him. which was “not good for max’s world champion aspirations.”

this was also when ted very bafflingly said that “if i had a sofa in the pit lane i would be jumping up and down on it” im not sure what that was in response to. 

meanwhile, ollie was still holding off sir lewis hamilton. and charles was trying to get oscar to pit again by lying over the radio. it was not working. 

lando did a pit stop finally and came out a whole 15 second behind max. he was hoping to catch max by the end of the race. but it might be tight. lets go last lap lando. 

“lando, imagine andrea on your shoulder saying ‘zero wheel spin’ in every exit,” lando’s race engineer said. if you're confused, everyone else was too. 

10 laps to go and here were the order of affairs:

oscar

+.449s charles +1.865s checo +2.989s carlos +16.530s george  +1.909s max +11.535s lando +9.715s fernando +2.589s alex +2.451s nico +4.667s franco +1.590s lewis +1.261s ollie +1.791s pierre +9.205s daniel +23.919s esteban  +.789s lance +3.862s valtteri +3.631s guanyu 

lando was determined. he took fastest lap on lap 43 and was 8.8s behind max

at this point, the leaders were starting to lap the cars in the back. “the back markers are starting to come up,” checo’s engineer said to him. “its going to get messy.”

“hold onto your hats and if you don't have one go get one and hold onto it” harry said. harry would turn out to be correct. 

we had the top 3 all running very close to eachother, that was oscar, charles and checo and “welcome to the party carlos sainz!” who was now 1.2 seconds behind checo in the four way battle for the lead.

definitely not leading was lance stroll, who retired on lap 47 with a brake problem. 

oscar managed to pull ahead of charles by 1.5 seconds, finally knocking him out of DRS range. so now it was a three way battle for second. and charles had “no rear tires. no rear tires at all.” 

and, just like i said he would, lando managed to pass max on lap 49. he was closing the gap slowly in the championship. 

“verstappen’s day goes from bad to worse,” harry said. because lando still had fastest lap, so he would score 3 more points than max. which is important if lando wants to beat max in the championship (though i think hes still like 60 points behind)

meanwhile! franco managed to pass nico hulkenberg for 10th! he was in the points!!!! at his second race!!! 

but this was short lived because there was a crash! a big smackeroo! between carlos and checo!! checo was mad, carlos didn't know what happened. 

what happened was that carlos was trying to pass checo but checo did not move over. it was deemed an equal fault accident. both of them were utterly confused at what happened and apparently spent 20 minutes in the medical center being utterly lost and aparently saying that sometimes this sport sucks. and! contrary to what several people said! checo did not bang on carlos’s helmet after the crash. 

the crash actually caused chef's dad to have a heart attack. he is stable now.

and well. this clip of george from the post qualifying interviews definitely didnt age well:

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but! since we were a matter of a few laps from the end, this meant that the rest of the race was finished under a virtual safety car. 

which meant 

OSCAR PIASTRI WINS THE AZERBAIJAN GP

and george inherited p3! 

and on his own merit too! no safety cars, no team orders, no weird shit! 

“yes!” he whispered over the radio. 

he almost fell getting out of the car, then gave us all the “one moment” hand gesture before properly celebrating. 

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he also got driver of the day! 

(this was marginally better than george russell, who said over the radio “i cant get any rubber (to pick up on his tires) all im getting is leaves”)

gunther steiner also hosted the post race interviews. which was interesting. 

george said that the most difficult part of the race was “driving full gas into a wall of carbon fiber on the penultimate lap…the vsc should have come out sooner” 

charles bashed ferrari because they didn't do any high fuel runs in practice. 

oscar was entirely pleased. “i managed to overtake and hold onto it for the next 35 laps..one of the better races of my career.” and honestly, oscar winning a race straight after mclaren basically announcing that he was their number 2 driver is nothing short of hilarious.

and! mclaren was now leading the constructors championship by 20 points! for the first time in ten years!!!!

the top three had a moment outside of the car that was filled with baffled: 

and oscar's engineer tom got to stand on the podium with him. he usually takes a selfie with oscar after each race he podiums at, but he was too excited to so george took this picture for them

(george also aparently demomished oscar in a game of uno on the plane, immediately humbling him)

george also shielded himself from the champagne on the podium

the cooldown room reacted to the crash in a very straight forward manner:

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and very quickly cause its midnight and the singapore gp starts in 8 hours, the post race, speed ran: 

-mark webber told off laura winter for thinking that oscar didn't have good tire management

-alex albon was “super happy, that's a lot of points for us” (williams finished in 7th and 8th). he cut his own interview short when ollie bearman arrived, saying “I can go, im happy to go” and then waving comically. 

-williams was so pleased with this result they blasted everyone with champagne. and they overtook alpine in the constructors championship! this was also their best race finish all season

-(and a quick note, if youre going to really blame logan for being that shit of a driver here, please remember that the car he was driving was several rounds of upgrades behind alex's pretty much the entire time he was driving it)

-ollie became the first driver to ever score points in his first two races for two different constructors because the double dnf pushed him up to 10th place. he said that there was not much difference between the haas and the ferrari, the ferrari was just red

-franco continued to charm everyone and flirt with the reporters. 

-they interviewed george and lewis and the camera had to be adjusted for george's height. it was comical and resulted in my favorite edit so far of the season (sound on)

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-lando looked pleased and happy for once. he said about holding off checo that “i didn't hold him up i just had to cool my tires a little.” he was delighted to be leading the constructors for the first time in ten years and he defended alex albon saying “i struggled to get past alex for a while, which is common, alex doesnt make mistakes.” he also ratted on max for going to fast during the VSC and said “i didn't complain, facts were stated.” and to sum it all up he said that “im executing things well, i’m very quick…i’m not going to be the happiest guy, but i am never the happiest guy….car is performing well everywhere…some red cars behind us seem to be our biggest competitors right now” 

-by comparison george insulted all of pirelli. the tire people. “pretty infuriating that it (the pace) changes this so much….its black magic, people who make the tires don't understand the tires…..for 20 laps we had a car not worthy of points and for 20 laps we had a car fighting for victory and the only difference is the tires.” 

-lewis was notably upset after the race and walked through the paddock with his helmet on, not wanting to talk to anyone. but he did talk to franco and ollie and congratulate them on a job well done defending against him and racing against him. franco even fangirled over this on his instagram. 

-charles was clearly upset with ferrari. he was so upset he posted a thirst trap.

-and oscar. oscar was very happy this afternoon. and his mom was there! she doesnt usually come cause it scares her, but nicole was there today! 

-mclaren celebrated with a hell of a lot of champagne. both oscar’s wina and lando’s insane recovery, and the fact that they were leading the championship. red bull have been dethroned, at least for now. 

-there was so much champagne that lando took off his socks to spray it. all seems well at mclaren. 

-at least one thing is for sure, oscar had a better time here this weekend than last year when he got food poisoning and only ate four pieces of toast

and with that. we head into singapore. quite literally as it is starting in a few hours. again, i apologixe about this post. its a little sad, but the next one will be better. pinkly promise. 

see you all soon!!!

[iluvloganhowlett]

Omg hiii, I just saw your “dating Hugh” hcs and I absolutely loved them... So could you pls write something where paparazzi are just bombarding him with questions about his relationship with the reader since there have been a lot of rumors about them breaking up but him still visiting the reader??? I would just love to see that respectful man handle all the nasty and out of pocket questions paparazzi go for

I LOVE HER ༉‧₊˚.

in which hugh humbles the internet by addressing false rumors

warnings: none, just fluff!

so my dumbass has no self control and i did unfortunately change the plot a little BUT i am planning to write a 2nd imagine on this same plot but differently! hope yall still like it

since working on the x-men movies with hugh, you two have been together ever since. happily, that is.

however somehow, from somewhere, rumors began to circulate that the two of you had broken up after your 23 years together.

and of course, you and hugh took these rumors to the press.

“so we’re aware that the two of you have worked together since the first x-men movie,” the host asks, earning a collection of nods from the two of you. “would you want to go into detail about how you guys began to date and just what the story was behind that?”

“yeah of course,” you began, hugh cutting you off.

he looked directly at the camera now rather than the host, pointing his finger at it in a silly manner, “and as far as i know, we are still together.”

the room erupts into laughter, most of it coming from you as you grab hugh’s other hand, intertwining your fingers in your lap. “yeah, oh my god i don’t know where it came from but for some reason all of twitter and tiktok and whatever else there is thinks we’ve broken up!”

the host smiles, “i saw that, in fact that was actually my next question on my list.”

“so you chose to ask the allegedly broken up couple about how they met and began dating before you ask them if they’re still together?” you joke, causing everyone to laugh once more.

though everyone was focused on your joke, the only thing you could focus on was hugh’s thumb rubbing up and down the back of your hand subconsciously. it was sweet, almost as if he did it without realizing.

“yeah.. yeah i love her so.. we’re not splitting until one of us dies.”

“hugh!” you smack his leg, brows furrowed close to your eyes in a warning manner.

he cocks his head as his eyes go wide, smiling brightly at your concern, “what?!”

“don’t talk about either of us dying, i don’t like that!”

his smile only grows as he chuckles at your rather unreasonable behavior, “alright i’m sorry.”

the host makes eye contact with the camera just as hugh had, “yeah i don’t think they’re breaking up anytime soon, look at them!”

the camera pans to zoom in on you and hugh; you’re still scolding him about how you don’t need to worry about splitting up when you’re perfectly fine while he’s trying to defend himself but is laughing too hard.

“i said im sorry!” he managed to get out, going weak as he brought his head down to your lap, trying to contain his laughter.

you smack the backside of his head gently, leaning to rest on the armrest of your chair as you roll your eyes, “and you’re not even taking me seriously, baby.”

“and they’re still holding hands,” the camera man points out from behind the scenes.

i guess it’s safe to say those rumors shut down, fast.

I HATE THIS WTF i’m sorry the end is so bad

taglist!!

@velvrei @spazwayy @oatmilkriver @sseleniaa @mei-simp @wittyjasontodd @wolverinesangel @realsimpbitchshit @pickuptruck01 @keigohawks @thereallchristine @zeeader @pink-jello-fish @twinky-wink @malfoys-demigod @seamlessepiphany @withafoll @lulawantmula

[firebunnylover]

My Thoughts on Orion trying to stop D-16 from the murdery stuff.

I think there’s been enough time to think over the writing choice of Orion trying to stop D-16 from killing Sentinel. Time to whack the hornet nest of internet opinions.

Now I think it’s fair to say that plenty of people have pointed out that the autobots do murder several other bots in the film and so Orion’s attempt to stop Dee from killing SP seems hypocritical. And I can certainly see why people are coming to that specific conclusion.

And plenty of us agree the death scene was cathartic.

HOWEVER.

Let’s look at Orion’s current perspective regarding Dee’s state of mind.

He has been watching his friend go down the path of unapologetic violence fast since they found out the truth. Like, alarmingly fast. And that path is quickly becoming more of a sheer drop off a cliff.

While OP, Elita and Bee were ecstatic about being able to transform, what do we see Dee laugh over?

Being able to inflict damage onto another bot.

And we can’t forget the oh-so-woobie-of-continuities Starscream, who Orion had to tell Dee not to kill when the murder canon was activated.

That isn’t the Dee Orion knew. Orion is watching Dee turn into something he doesn’t know anymore. He’s afraid of losing D-16 to whatever he’s becoming.

To Orion, keeping Dee from publicly executing Sentinel was an attempt to keep him from spiraling further.

Unfortunately, just having good intentions don’t always cut it. And he really could have said it in a better way.

But to be fair, it had been a long miserable trip for the both of them, so Orion probably wasn't able to think that out 100%.

Another point I want to make is the comparison to B-127/Bee, who had been cutting bots with his knifehands. Granted, I’m pretty sure they were just intended to be Drones/Enforcers, as they resemble Vehicons. Which, in beast wars, were intended as bots who were mass produced and mindless. Which I think Sentinel would have preferred to have as his followers. Literal mindless/sparkless soldiers to follow his every word would probably be easier to handle.

This is Steve Slander I’m so sorry.

Continuing on.

There are a few points I want to make on B-127’s treatment of the violence. First, to me, Orion didn’t seem too comfortable with how hyped Bee was getting with his new weapons, and did intervene to keep him from cutting down more Drones.

And more importantly, he stopped trashing the broadcast room when told that the bots there weren’t the enemy.

Bee managed to do some self-control. Which I think is important to keep in mind when comparing him to Dee/Megatron

One more thing to note.

Something that I have said before in an earlier post after my initial viewing of the movie.

It wasn’t the violence itself that was the ultimate act of betrayal in the end though.

It was picking violence over saving someone.

oh it hurts

Orion jumped in the cannon’s way. Probably thinking that seeing him would give Dee enough reason to stop. But there wasn’t any pause until after the trigger was pulled. @everestentertainments pointed this out in their own post

D-16 does catch the injured Orion. He could have tried to save him, even if it was futile.

But he decided to let him fall instead.

Thus finally transforming into Megatron.

Killing Sentinel wasn’t the final step to the transformation and his fall from grace. It was the first act as purely Megatron.

And don’t forget that after taking the cog, Meg’s next act is to burn everything down, taking no regard for anyone who might get caught in the crossfire. Which is a yikes.

They probably could have made those points more obvious or could have been handled better somehow, but those are my thoughts.

[cheeseceli]

I'm not letting go

Pairing: Min Yoongi × Gn!reader (individually)

Genre: hurt/comfort, drabble

Prompt: “The only thing that is harder than sleeping alone is sleeping with your ghost”

Warnings: almost heartbreak, pressure of media (about your relationship), established relationship, not proofread.

A/n: don't be like the "fans" here!! Let idols date😭 | daily click

Yoongi has always been scared of falling in love. Not because he was scared of being hurt or abandoned, or falling for the wrong person. He was scared of it feeling good.

He heard the stories before. People falling in love and suddenly life has meaning. People sacrificing everything for the sake of a relationship and he was scared of this. Imagine being so unconditionally in love that you don't recognise yourself unless you're in someone else's arms? Yoongi didn't want to feel that. Sadly, he can't control the heart.

When you showed up in his life, he would've never imagined the impact you would've had. Every little action and thought of his was somehow linked to you, just like yours were to him. At some point, it was like you were slowly becoming one. And he liked it.

He truly enjoyed the feeling of belonging somewhere. He loved the fact he could go to bed smiling just because you wished him good night. God, he loved you. And although it took him time to admit it, that's a statement he's never taking back, even if that's precisely what the people wanted of him.

Gossip never fails on being fast when it's spreading itself. And the lies are also surprisingly quick to make an appearance. "Suga of BTS is spotted with a non celebrity on a date" is a title that sells a lot. "What a gold digger" is also a quick yet bold statement, that to not mention other people's opinion. People loved to intrude in Yoongi's life, and he could take it. But it was too much for you.

Especially when the company barged into your door, demanding you to sign a NDA about all the rumours. That was probably the worst part.

When you agreed to dating Yoongi, to dating Suga, you were well aware of his life as an idol. He had to work a lot, he'd be constantly overseas, you'd need to be discreet. But you were not prepared for the insane inhumanity that came along with fame. You were also not ready to see staff and managers trying to take over your life.

That's how Yoongi found himself on his bed, alone and without a single goodnight message. Today was particularly harsh on you. The company thought it would be better to break you two up and just tell the media they were wrong about the photos that were leaked. The fact they just sent you home while you were broken hearted was something that still lingered on his mind. And he still doesn't know why he didn't do anything about it.

Yoongi truly didn't want to fall in love. Simply because it was too good. And now, the best he ever had was being taken away from him. He could endure being alone, but feeling your ghost wherever he goes is just too much. That's precisely why he decides to wake you up by knocking at your door at 3 am.

"What are you doing here?"

That was it. No smile at his sight, no hugs, not even confusion. Just pain laced in your voice. Oh, how he hated all of that.

"We didn't break up, did we?"

"Your company said we should."

"But did we?"

You sighed. It was clear all that situation was exhausting you. But you still answered the door. You were still there. There was still hope, right?

"I don't know if I'm worthy of all this trouble, honestly. The messages I'm getting from the managers ain't any better from what I read on the internet. And that's your job at the stake here. I'm sure it's all way worse for you."

"So we're still together, but you think that's a mistake?"

"Not a mistake. No, never that" you breathed in and closed your eyes. Just this sight was enough to break a man's heart. "But it would make things easier for you."

"When has anything in my life been easy, Y/n? I don't care about that. Unless you explicitly tell me that you don't want anything to do with me anymore, I will not let you go."

"What about the hate comments?"

"I can sue every single one of them."

"And your company?"

"What are they gonna do, fire me?"

You laughed at that. Even if that happened at the same time your first tear rolled down, Yoongi was relieved to see your smile.

"You're too stubborn, did you know that?"

"It pays off." he said while he finally closed the distance between the two of you, embracing your figure into a hug. He missed the way you would circle his waist with your arms, how you'd hide your face in his neck. He missed you.

"Don't ever go to bed without wishing me a good night ever again."

"Noted." you smiled "I won't."

Masterlist | you'll probably like: sing to me

Thank you for reading!

Taglist (open!): @yuyubeans @butnotmontana @lelewright1234

Dividers by @cafekitsune | images 1, 2 and 3

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

Hi! First of all, I love your writing! Thank you for all your work! Could I possibly request a Regina x fem!Reader set during the Christmas talent show when Regina fell during their performance? Reader immediately goes to usher Regina off of the stage and takes her somewhere to comfort her and just generally ask how she was or something. Every time I get to that scene in the movie, I felt so bad for her and just want someone to care for Gina lmao. Thank you!!

Cry if you Need

|| Regina George x fem!reader

|| Warnings; swearing, humiliated Regina, hurt Regina, mentions of weight struggles, short drabble

|| Summary; when Regina falls on stage, reader's there to pick her up.

Requests open!

Started; october 16th

Finished; october 16th

~~~

Everything had happened so fast that you barely had time to register it. One moment, the plastics were doing the dance routine they do every year. Then the next... they tumbled. Regina's fall looking the worst. You grimaced and rushed through the crowded place, trying to get to your girlfriend through the sea of phones. You could see the humiliation clear as day on Regina's face and you felt so bad for her. Knowing that she was already struggling with her weight, this probably didn't help. Like at all.

Pushing your way out, you managed to scramble up onto the stage where you ran to Regina's side. Helping her up and wrapping an arm around her. You could feel her trembling as you lead her backstage. Needing to get her somewhere more private so she might actually talk to you.

Once you were alone, you could see the tears Regina was fighting back. Your hands went up to cup her cheeks," hey, shh, shh, baby.. cry if you need." You assured her, letting her know this was a safe space for her. Knowing that was what she needed.

"I'm fucked, Y/N. I'm so fucked." The tears fell and it broke your heart. Sure, Regina was a bitch. But this kind of humiliation? You weren't sure if she deserved it. You didn't know what would happen once the two of you left this room, you almost didn't want to leave. Just to keep her safe. How could you even assure her that it would be okay? You knew Regina was right. So you had to find some other way to comfort her, somehow make all of this more easier.

"Regina... hey, baby whatever happens.. I'll be with you through it all, okay? I'll be here. Things happen to people. Things out of our control, but the people in our lives is what makes it easier. Right? I'll be here. Whatever you need." You took her hands in yours, watching as she took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. You just wanted to make this okay for her, but you knew you were pretty powerless. You couldn't control the entire student body; hell. This was definitely even out of the student body by now. It had to be all over the internet. You hated that.

You gave each of her knuckles a soft kiss, then pulled her lips against yours. She met your kiss, almost desperate for any kind of comfort. She knew she fell further than just the stage floor. Her status was ruined. She was fucked, but she had you.

[harmoonix]

🔥Gorgeous Astrology🔥

❍Observations ❍

✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶

Aries Risings; How you can manage to look so good even when you are angry???? Like seriously these people look good in every mood they are, they can keep a smile on their faces and stil thinking how to end you in 2 seconds if you do them dirty 😭

How to people with Venus and Sun aspects manage to be so pretty and charming and to be so elegant and on point every single time??? Venus and Sun aspects can make you to radiate such a big and warm energy 💕🫂

Cheating on someone with a Water/Fire Venus is the WORST! these people know how to revenge and they can do it very bad and without mercy especially Water Venuses because these people love at a very deep level 🫂

Venus in Capricorn people are very adorable in relationships they want to spend very much time with their partners and make good memories together 🥺❤️. These people usually wish a very traditional and harmonious relationship ❤️❤️❤️

Watch out your solar return chart, if you have Venus in the 1st/2nd/6th/10th houses in that chart you can have a very big glow up this year, watch out if you have Saturn - Venus Aspects too these can help your glow up more 💎

Moon in the 11th house can get very attached to people, they can be very needy of their friends and that's why most people with such placement are called *true friend* 🫂

Pluto - Mercury aspects can cuss a lot and can talk in a very influential way to make you talk like this too, is like they take you in a hypnosis and make you talk like them. Also a lot of people can get jealous at them, for having a very large vocabulary and expressing their words very good

I've seen very people with Mars and Venus aspects getting jealous very hard and very easily to their partners and friends they can be somehow possessive and wanting you only for them 🔥🫂

I have seen people with a Virgo Venus/Mars getting posesive the same as Scorpio and Taurus Venuses can get 🤯🤯, if you have some of these placements combined they can make you a very posesive yet attractive person ❣️

When Saturn is transitioning your 6th/12th house or is transitioning the house where "Pisces" is in your chart you may have insomnia or problems with sleep a lot during that time

Having a lot of planets in the 9th house can make you very interested in spirituality and magic very much, you can also find interest in discovering religion and learning about them

Capricorn Mercury can talk with a very classic glamour in their voice, they are VERY sophisticated people even when talking these natives make sure to make a good impression

Natives with Aries/Taurus combination in their chart might struggle with very big angry issues and nervosity

Having Venus in the 2nd house can mean you have a very beautiful body and a very beautiful appearance, you can have elegance in your blood

If you have Neptune in the 12th house people can become addicted to you, in all ways possible even subconsciously, this placement is a very spiritual so pay attention to the signs 🧘🏻‍♀️

Neptune/Uranus aspecting Sun/Ascendant = Electrified + Dreamy vibe aura

Moon in Earth Signs = Love/Passion for reading books/blogs/internet curiosities

Capricorn Suns live, laugh, dark humor 😭

Sagittarius Placements/Aquarius Placements are freedom seekers, if you put their freedom at risk they can do the imposibile to have that freedom again

Saturn 🪐 - Moon 🌕 harsh aspects = Mommy issues, they can have a very possessive/detached from feelings mother 🥹 you deserve a big warn hug (⁠つ⁠✧⁠ω⁠✧⁠)⁠つ💕

Saturn - Mercury harsh aspects could have anxiety while talking that's because they could've been restricted to talk in the past and they can also overthink a lot "Did i said everything right?" "Do they understand what i say", "Do i talk too fast" vibe i wanna give you a very big hug (⁠っ⁠.⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)⁠っ you deserve it!

Scorpio Placements = Love for wearing dark color clothes (Black, dark blue, dark red, dark purple)

Mercury - Pluto aspects might like talk a lot about taboos, about things people are afraid to talk face to face, these people can do that

[audreyscribes]

Ω PJO DEMIGOD HEADCANONS: 🦉 ATHENA: Goddess of Wisdom & Reason, of Strategy & Warfare, Crafts & Arts 🧠

author's note: I had a sudden idea about writing some headcanons Camp Halfblood demigods being claimed and what it's like for each respective god and cabin, followed by a small blurb afterwards. Thank you for reading and please like and reblog! The order is not in order of the cabin numbers. [PJO DEMIGOD HEADCANONS MASTERLIST]

When you get claimed, it's after a moment of brilliance. You could be giving someone an insightful observation, successfully mediating two opposing forces, creating your own invention, or when you successfully performed a maneuver. You’ve shown your intellect and Athena claims you at that moment. 

The Athena cabin cheers for you and welcomes you in. 

You look in awe at the architectural structure of your cabin. You can tell the foundation and the base of the cabin was structured like the rest of the other cabins, but over the years, it was elevated. 

You’re shown where you’ll be sleeping but as you set up, you immediately clock in how everything is placed. All the bunks are pushed to the side, row by row and then there are desks lining along the same way with dual tables, and there are the rows of books and a workshop further in the back. You see inventions being made, architectural models, and more. 

Among the children of Athena, you slowly figure out which intellectual you lean more towards: Educated (developing theories and plans), Productive (philosophy, literary criticism, sociology, law, medicine, etc), or an Artistic (literature, music, painting, sculpture, etc). Whichever you are or of those you find yourself in, you’re in good company. 

If you want to bounce off ideas of someone, there’s no shortage of siblings to have a sound board of. 

Whatever craft you find yourself in, you’re immediately put into consultation and you find yourself either being asked to get an input on or seeking input from others. 

Fortunately and unfortunately, since demigods aren’t allowed to use the internet, your cabin is the next best option for Google. 

Spider repellents everywhere. There’s not a single dust bunny in sight, not even in the corners or behind the unseen books. Aside from the piling books, scrolls, and tools (and the few coffee cups), the Athena cabin is the cleanest cabin after the Apollo cabin. 

When there was a spider somehow, you witness everyone scream and grab several torches before incinerating the arachnid into nothingness. 

That or an overly complicated set up of a machine to destroy that one spider. Then you find out that there’s a lot of contraptions that they’ve built for one, very specific, function.

You just had pulled off an emergency strategy maneuver during the Capture the Flag. It was a close call with the new camper but you couldn’t mistake them for not being a child of Ares. They were a monster on the field and you had to make sure at least get some upper hand. 

You managed to take out half of the other team’s numbers, using the layout of the forest and its terrain to your advantage, and your eyes noticing the body language of your opponent. 

You still lost because the new camper, who has the undeniable glow of Ares on them, demolished through your forces, but it wasn’t half-bad since the casualty was the same on both sides. 

“You’re fast on your feet. A bit foolish, but it was a nice maneuver.”

You jumped at the voice and turned to it, seeing a blonde girl with gray eyes. You knew her, Annabeth Chase, daughter of Athena. 

“Oh, uh, yeah” you said lamely, dusting yourself off as an attempt to keep your hands from shaking. “I figured at that point, we could at least make it fair or we just lose really badly.” 

Annabeth nodded, as she smiled. “I guess, there’s plenty of time to hone your intelligence with us.”

“Wait what?”

Annabeth gestured up your head and you looked to see the glowing image of an owl over your head. You made a “oh” and looked owl-eyed at your new sister as she held out her hand. 

“Welcome to the Athena cabin, I’m Annabeth Chase. Cabin Leader and your new half-sibling.”

[alpaca-clouds]

Rural Living vs Capitalism

Something I find rather funny is this one thing that somehow left wing and right wing people will agree on: They kinda hate farmers and their protests and them wanting living wages - just for different reasons. Like, sure, there is a certain group of right wing traditionalists who idealize farmers, but pretty much everyone else just is angry with them in one way or another.

Among left wingers I usually make myself unpopular by looking at farmer protests and go: "Yeah, well, actually they are right?" Because most of the times the protesting farmers are the smaller and middle sized farms, who get fucked over by the big coorporate farms. And that is an issue. It is among the issues they are protesting about.

And this is a general thing when it comes to the rural communities.

See, a lot of times left wing people tend to be rather suspicious of rural folks, having this idea that everyone in rural areas is super conservative - not to say racist, misogynist and queerphobic. And... Like, we know that statistically speaking a lot more people with "conservative" ideas (if not outright rightwing) live in the rural areas, which has to do with folks in those areas generally being older. And if younger families move into rural areas, they often are better off and hence statistically also more likely to be right-leaning at the very least.

However, the fact is that nobody gets quite as fucked over by capitalism as people in the rural areas are - both farmers and people just living there. And there are always people living in rural areas for the other reason people might move there: The fact that living in rural areas is on the surface a lot cheaper. Homes are cheaper there at the very least.

But that is where it starts. Because rural folks get fucked over in so many way. Generally there is the fact that a lot of other stuff is more expensive in the rural areas. Often amenities might be more expensive. You want fast internet? Lol good luck finding someone offering it. The internet cables lying in your village are probably like 15 years old. You remember ISDN? You wanna go shopping? Well, you gotta drive 30-60 minutes to the next supermarket. Need new clothes? Well, it is a two hour drive now. Also, the supermarket might be more expensive than the one in the city. You cannot drive a car for some reason? Well, we have a bus that comes two times a day, if you miss it, you are fucked. The next train station is like an hour away. Mostly because for "small" rural communities it is just not payign under capitalism to put all those things into the villages. A big supermarket? Does not make enough money there. Fast internet? Costs too much to put down there. The same with everything else. And thus... Because capitalist companies want to make a profit, a lot of stuff is not available in rural areas. In the worst cases this leads to food deserts - large areas where no supermarkets and ways to get food (other than fast food joints) are avaialble.

Oh, and schools? At times the next school might be more than an hour away as well.

And if you are a farmer? Well, if you are a small farmer you are fucked as well. Because no way in hell are you able to work your farm as efficiently as a coorporate farm management company is able to, who underpay the farmers working for them. Those companies can afford for giant automated systems, too, that take care of a lot of the stuff. Things that a lot of smaller farmers just cannot pay for or need to go into dept for.

So, in so many ways... Yeah, people in rural areas get fucked over again and again. Both people living there - and the farmers. And... Well, yeah. Of course because in the rural areas people tend to be a lot more conservative - but in the end they might be fucked over more than anyone else by capitalism. And due to the lack of basically everything around them, they often lack access to the information of how and why they are fucked over.

Which is not to say, that there are not left wing organizations active in rural areas. And some people there start to see how they get fucked over.

But I just wished for left wing people to also realize that this really is a big issue. And have some sympathy for those people.

[stillwattergossip]

MY PHONE & I;

> ARCANE CHARACTERS & THEIR PHONE / ONLINE BEHAVOIR HEADCANONS!

featuring Jinx, Vi and Caitlyn!

JINX

☆i just KNOW Jinx has tons of games on her phone, her poor storage always crying for help the moment she has to update them all..

☆i can imagine Jinx already having lots of phones from different companies (due to her blowing the others up-), she doesn't really have a preference.

☆loves to make her own phone cases, never buys one without the intention to paint them all up to make it unique.

☆a fast typer: Often answers before you're even able to type out the rest of your question.

☆with her, it's either two things: fully chronically online or not on the internet for days, if not even weeks, if she has her eyes on one of her new inventions again

☆Speaking of those, she 100% would share her progress here and then through her art account!!

☆loves pissing people off for fun: used the block button multiple times herself (only to unblock them later on again-)

VI

♡ She probably has one of those phone cases to hinder getting broken in any way, yet Vi somehow still managed to have some slits in the screen.

♡ always uses her fingerprints to open her phone cause she's too forgetful to remember her password (which got her into more problems than she could count.)

♡ Android User!!

♡ LOVESS to take pictures of her loved ones. In a modern AU, I remember her having a photo album reaching the days when her parents were still alive, thinking about old times.

♡ prefers calls over texting. She'd also be one to randomly start video calls to show you something!!

♡ Best believe she has her gym playlist ready for every single morning. WOuld probably wake up with the most stupid or cheeky song ever.

♡ not that big of a screentime tbh, she is more of a “living-in-the-moment” kind of person. She does love looking and liking Jinx posts in order to support her

♡ Certified funny Animals Clips Lover.

♡ after getting together with Caitlyn, she'd convince her to have matching wallpapers🤭

CAITLYN KIRAMMAN

♤ 100% an iPhone user. I don't make the rules ❗️🤷🏾‍♀️

♤ always got a new one every year from her parents. She does keep the same/familiar type of phone case: either a very simple one coloured one or something with her family's symbol.

♤ average to a big amount of screentime, depending on her mood. the more stressed she gets, the higher her urge to turn herself away from the real world as well.

♤ Has a decent number of followers on any platform: would get a ton of brand deals as well if she'd want to but decides to be one of those who post once a week/month.

♤ She does post more after she gets together with Vi: Her pictures turning from sceneries of Piltover or gatherings she had to attend to more domestic life-like pics where she actually smiles.

this gen made fun writing..might do something in the future with other characters if anyone's interested!^^

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Family love(less). Prologue

Self-Aware! Platonic! Yandere! BSD Characters x GN! Child! Abused! Reader

Description: You are unwanted by your family because of the circumstances of your birth. Your only company are Internet and Books.

You want to escape from this place. You want to have friends and real family.

One night, something strange happened.

You woke up on streets of Yokohama.

And a silver-haired man was looking at you.

But you didn't get here alone.

Tags: Found Family, Isekai, Spoilers for Bungou Stray Dogs Anime, Manga and Light Novels.

Warning: OOC, Platonic Yandere, Bad Relatives, Abusive Family, Bulling, Hurtful comments about Reader and about BSD characters, Physical punishment. BSD Cast want to deal with bad relatives accordingly. English is my second language.

A/N: Multi-chapter fanfic. There will be named OC. All similarities with real people are accidental. This fic wasn't created to mock or to insult anyone. I just want to write something about Platonic Yandere. Hope you enjoy.

Prologue. Storm

School bell rang. The long day of studying was finally over. Students started to put their stuff back in their backpacks. It was time to go home.

You were on a mission. You needed to leave school as fast as you can, without getting the attention of teachers and other students.

You hoped that today you will be lucky enough and no one will notice you.

You quickly grabbed your backpack and hurry to the school's exit.

Getting from class to the corridor - SUCCESS!

Getting from corridor to school exit - SUCCESS!

Getting across School Yard - SUCCE....

"Out of the way, Thing!"

Someone shoved you forward. You lost your balance and fall. You tried to stand up or, at least, rolled on the side.

Someone stepped on you. They continue walking, like you were a part of the road.

Cousin Janie...

Second person followed.... Then third... Then fourth...

Bill... Lily... Jack...

You saw, how adults just moved past you. They pretend, that they didn't see, how children just walking all over another child.

It was nothing new to you.

Miss Agatha... Mister Frank...

You were glad, that, at least, adults wasn't trying to step on you.

Finally, the last of your classmates walked away. You could finally stand up.

Slowly and carefully. Your body was sore. You were dirty. All your clothes were covered in shoe marks. Your hair was dirty. Someone spit on you, you were sure of that.

You start walking home.

_____________

To get home, you need to walk near the park. Small green 'island' in your little town.

"Hey, little rat, were you playing in the dirt again?"

Your Big Brother Steve was waiting for you here. You hoped that he already was home.

Steve was grinning. His tone of voice was full of poorly hidden hate.

"Little rat, you can't go home like this. Little Pig like you need to take a bath. Don't worry, your Big Brother will help you."

He was too strong. You could never overpower a seventeen-year-old.

There was a river in the park.

And Steve threw you and your backpack right in the river.

You were glad, that river wasn't deep.

But now you were completely soaked.

"Now you really are a Rat. A Wet Dirty Rat"

Steve is gone.

You still need to go home.

__________

You reached your home.

________

Ten slaps on left cheek for been wet.

Ten slaps on right cheek for been dirty.

Spanking for trying to leave the school without been noticed.

_______

You were tired and sore.

After the shower, you limp towards your room.

The only place you can be somehow safe.

You barely manage to get into your room. It was small. You had a bed here. A shelf for clothes and books. A small table.

And no windows.

____________

You were a middle child.

Your older siblings were called gold siblings.

Smart, beautiful, handsome, future of the family.

Your younger siblings were called rays of hope.

Cute, precious, hope for the family.

And there were you...

You were you.

For some reason, no matter, what you do, it wasn't good enough for your parents.

No matter, how good your grades are, or if you've won anything.

There were always 'Don't bother me' or 'You don't matter'.

You aren't enough.

Other adults in your family ignored you. They didn't care about you.

They don't see anything wrong with your parents' attitude towards you.

It's not like you are their child.

Besides, your parents never hurt you... much.

Every parent discipline their children.

Your cousins and siblings on the other hand...

They hate you. For some reason.

They saw you as a toy or a servant.

Because adults never tell them to stop bothering you.

They learned, that they can do anything they want to you.

Your family don't care.

Under the influence of your younger siblings, other kids start treating you worse.

In good case scenario, you were ignored.

In worst case scenario you had to run away.

Teachers in your school don't care.

They have better things to do, than dealing with your problems.

__________

You learned few things.

First, always be quiet. Don't draw attention to yourself.

Second, hide important things in your drawer. Your family won't search through your underwear.

Third, there was some wrong with your birth. Something was different. Different in a bad way. You tried to learn more, but no matter who you ask, they didn't tell you anything.

Maybe, one day, when you are older, you will find the truth.

Until then, you need to live in current day.

Right now, you need to have dinner with your family.

With every member of your family.

Today was the first day of Family Reunion.

And it will be hosted in your parents' house.

_________

"[Y/N], eat slow. You are not a pig."

"[Y/N], eat faster. Don't make us wait."

"[Y/N], eat less. You are already fat."

"[Y/N], eat more. You look like a skeleton. People might think that you are starving. Your parents will be in trouble."

"[Y/N], don't you dare shout at your younger siblings! What do you mean, they deserve it? They are younger, then you, they want to play. Yes, even if by play they mean throw food at you."

__________

After taking another shower, you finally were back in your room.

You lay down on the bed. You had some free time.

You need some energy.

You open your phone.

They bought it for you to make neighbors shut up and stop gossiping about your family been so poor, they can't afford to buy a phone for a kid.

You open the app that helped you during bad times.

Bungou Stray Dogs Mayoi Inu Kaikitan

________

You learned about BSD from your siblings.

Almost all of your cousins of all ages were big fans of anime.

They liked to watch anime and manga together during video calls.

Bungou Stray Dogs were among many titles they have watched.

And they have a very strange relationship with this manga.

They hate it and love it at the same time.

They love character designs, you were sure about that.

But you are also sure, that they hate the fact, that characters were based on writers.

You remember, how your cousin Ralph failed a test about John Steinbeck. He was on a video call with your older sister, and you could hear how he was cursing Steinbeck from manga... For some reason.

You can't understand your older relatives.

And you remember, how angry your older sister Jane was on Gogol from manga. She decided to read real world Gogol works. She bought books. When she realized, that books weren't funny, she wanted to drop it. But, because your parents already knew that 'their dear princess' start reading serious literature, she couldn't do it without disappointing them.

So, she cursed character, instead of telling parents the truth.

___________

Despite the fact, that your family has a bizarre relationship with Bungou Stray Dogs and you were too young to read it, you wanted to watch BSD too. Or read it.

There was no problem with watching it. You managed to find a website where you could watch it for free.

But, no matter how hard you try, you couldn't find a way to read BSD for free.

There were all Manga volumes and Light Novels in your house. Your older brother and sister have their own copies.

And you can't ask them to let you read their copies. Because they don't like you. Because they will laugh at you. Wondering, how someone as stupid as you can read.

You can't ask your parents to buy you manga. Because your family don't care if you want something. Phone was necessary. Internet is needed by all family members. There's no law that said that parents must provide a source of entertainment for a child.

But, one day, you were in luck. A very strange luck.

Two months ago you got a whole set of BSD manga and light novels.

_____________

Your Older Brother Steve and Older Sister Jane were... very impulsive.

They tried to stay in trend. To be loved by their classmates. To stay popular in school.

So, when another popular school group decide, that Bungou Stray Dogs manga was for nerds, because cool kids don't read anything, where they can find information about real authors, your brother, sister and your cousins (who attended the same school and were 'loyal' to your older siblings) threw away their BSD Manga and Light Novels. Before that they rip some pages out, tear apart a few books, try to drown them and dance on the poor books.

Then they tell you to throw the garbage away. That's how you manage to salvage the books.

They were in need of some serious repairs, but, you could do it by yourself. And your family wasn't that petty to count, how many tapes you were using or if you take the scissors.

You spend three nights repairing books. You were searching through a big pile of manga and light novels copies for pages in good condition. You use tape and glue on pages to make them whole again.

With great care, you manage to make yourself a full collection of BSD Manga and Light Novels.

After job well done, you were finally able to read manga. You were looking forward to that moment.

__________

In BSD World. Two months ago.

__________

BSD Characters were gathered in the Meeting Room of Port Mafia.

All of them looked tired. They were on the verge of a breakdown.

They don't know why they deserved it.

But they hated that terrible creatures, that called themselves Real People.

Time and time again, they were forced to relieve the worst moments of their lives.

And every time they have heard THEM.

Many different people that were mocking them. Laughing at them. Saying disgusting things about them.

"Why this crybaby Atsushi even here? If he suffers so much, why won't he off himself?"

"Is Chuuya really a Mafioso? I mean, he is mourning the death of the Flags. Aren't mobsters supposed to be cold and emotionless?"

"Ha! Think, what you want, but Oda's dub in this scene make brats' death hilarious."

"I think that Yosano's backstory should be more tragic. Right now it's bland. Her favorite solder killed himself and called her an Angel of Death. It would be better, if Mori was..."

"OH NO! The Clown is alive! Why?! Just Why?! He is a stupid character!"

Comment. After comment. After comment.

About how terrible they are. How useless they are.

How real people wish that BSD cast suffer.

Cursing them for having similar names with some other people from their world.

And now, they did something with them.

All BSD characters feel pain. Someone was tearing them apart. Someone was trying to drown them.

And they can't do anything to protect themselves.

And then another Kitsunebi¹ appeared.

This one was purple.

So, real people decide to end them.

No one from BSD Cast has power to fight. They were waiting for their end.

"Well, I have everything I need. Let's start with the first volume..."

_________

This one was healing them...

BSD characters feel, how their bodies wasn't sore anymore. How they're getting their strength back.

For three nights, Purple Light was taking care of them.

And talking...

"Okay, this goes here... Here we go, good as knew."

"Wow, this page will be beautiful again, when I finish with it."

"I can't wait to read BSD from the beginning. It must be wonderful. Anime was good."

BSD cast were confused. You...

Why this one was different? Was that a trick? Are they going to curse them?

The time reset again. Time to relive their lives. Again.

_________

In Bungou Stray Dogs World. Nowadays

________

"Our Dear [Y/N] are opening the App! Everybody ready?" called Yosano, finishing adding another ten power up materials in her present to you today.

The choir of "yes" was an answer to her.

No one can tell, that two months ago they all were broken and could barely stand.

Dear [Y/N], their precious Guiding Light, saved them.

Not even once they say something hateful about anyone of them. There was only love and understanding. And warmth. Warmth of a child who loved them unconditionally.

All of them cherished [Y/N]. Because they were the only one, who saw, what a great child [Y/N] were.

When they got access to [Y/N]'s phone, they heard it all.

Bullies. Relatives. Siblings. Parents.

Their comments. Their hate, that was aimed at [Y/N]. A defenseless, innocent child.

BSD Cast hate [Y/N]'s family. For what they are doing to them. And for what they have done to characters themselves.

Soon they will be in Real world. They will save Their Dear Guiding Light.

But, before that, they need to punish everyone, who wronged [Y/N].

The Portal was almost ready.

They only need to wait until Midnight.

_________

In real world

_________

You spend an hour playing BSD Mayoi. You got many notes from characters. They were cheering for you. They mentioned that they love you.

You were happier, than before.

At least someone was glad, that you exist.

You hopped that one day you will escape from your family. And find a real family and friends.

You looked at the clock.

Almost 11 pm. You need to go to bed.

Dozing off, you hear, that storm has begun. Raindrops start falling down from the sky.

_________

At the midnight, your phone start glowing white.

The lightning struck.

White light fill all rooms in your house.

When it faded, the house was empty.

And pages of your BSD books start glowing white.

_______

Time resets.

Fukuzawa Yukichi was a thirty-two years old bodyguard again. His client died recently. But right now, he has more important things to do.

Fukuzawa Yukichi was cradling a sleeping eleven-year-old child.

And, for now, he was ignoring the four people laying on the ground at his feet.

[brainddeadd]

Hello there! This is my first time I am requesting something, but I came up with a Matt Rempe request: You met him some time ago. Your friends and family know you are talking and being friends with a guy, they just don’t know who. Reader is pretty strong with what their goals are and one of those is finish college and go to graduate school in another country. Reader is quite busy all the time and is determinate to achieve their dreams. Therefore they think is not appropriate to have a relationship when they know they won’t be able to commit to one in the meantime. Matt knows this and he tells reader that he will wait, even thought he just confessed. He supports the reader to achieve their goal, reader manages to do it, after some time, Matt kept his word and is still in love with them and they go full on that relationship. You can add the paparazzi craziness after they announce it and the whole thing. Also, Matt is beaming with happiness and can’t stop talking about their future together.

It’s been a wild few years since you first met Matt Rempe.

Back then, your priorities were set like stone: finish college, get into graduate school abroad, and build the career you’d dreamed of for years. Relationships? Not on your list. Even when Matt entered your life with his infectious laugh and endless support, you made it clear: your goals came first, and you weren’t ready to commit. But he’d just grinned at you, his voice warm as he’d said, “I’ll wait for you.”

You’d been skeptical. He had a rising career in hockey, a world brimming with fast-paced action and high stakes. The thought of him waiting was… well, it felt too good to be true. But he did. He checked in on your late nights, even timed calls around your study schedule, often staying up just to hear about your classes and projects, and cheering you on whenever you felt doubts creeping in.

Through grueling exams, applications, and countless sleepless nights, Matt was there, encouraging you. And somehow, that distance between you became the quiet rhythm of your friendship, blooming into a love you didn’t even realize was growing.

When you finally got accepted into grad school overseas, he’d been there on the other end of the phone, practically shouting with joy. He’d told you, “You’re doing it—you’re really doing it!” as if your dreams were as important to him as his own.

Time passed, and every time you returned home, you noticed the way his gaze softened, like he was saving that look just for you. Despite his own growing fame, he never once let his own world overshadow yours. Matt kept his promise.

Finally, after years of late-night talks, shared milestones, and enduring distance, you both knew it was time. No more holding back, no more what-ifs. The announcement took the internet by storm, and the frenzy that followed was unreal. Paparazzi swarmed, trying to get every bit of the story, and suddenly, you were both the latest headline in sports and entertainment news.

But through it all, Matt was just beaming. He couldn’t stop talking about your future together, openly sharing his excitement with anyone who asked. He’d been so patient, and now that he finally had you, he couldn’t hold back. And in his interviews and stories, there was always this glow—like he’d won the biggest game of his life.

“I always knew I’d wait for you,” he told you one evening, his hand resting over yours. "And every minute was worth it.”

Your journey together had only just begun, but this time, it was a love you could fully commit to. And as he wrapped his arms around you, whispering promises about the life you’d build together, you knew that no goal had ever felt as fulfilling as being with him.

[gurggggleburgle]

Forgive me for being wrong on this but I don't believe it's ever specified between airplane and cucumber who died first and when so for everyone back in the world where pidw exists what is the span of time between there deaths. Because the impression I always get is PIDW probably finished at like a few months to a year after Shen Yuan finished it. And the reason I think this is with a few exceptions when harem novels blow up they only have a limited shelf life before the audience moves on to the next hot trash and I always get the impression that Qinghua was putting this out as fast as he could but also to get it over with so he could actually make something he liked eventually.

So this is my headcannon potentials. They both somehow managed to die literally at the same time in a comedic split screen fashion.

Airplane had actually been dead for months and nobody had noticed because he just finished his book and everyone assumed man was taking a break. Meaning cucumber was yelling at an author that wasn't even there. Powning facts and logic.

Shen Yuan died first after finishing the post and everyone assumes man just moved onto a new thing or whatever. Airplane maybe even replied to his comment and never got response and joked he killed cucumber.

All of these are great but here's the thing that find rife for comedic possibilities. Two prominent internet personalities an author and his biggest anti die in a potentially short amount of time between each other. The internet would lose their mind. I can see the conspiracy drama channel videos now. Someone out there would be like what if airplane and cucumber were in fact the same person.

And people start comparing facts and timelines. Start forming this idea that cumplane was a genius strategy to engage traffic on their work. They're like this one author tricked his entire fanbase and then someone hacks into cucumbers account and oh twist.

It's revealed that it was in fact this trust fund baby named Shen Yuan who died around the same time. Coincidence but weird. And people are like was this a power play. Were they a couple?

Did airplane do murder????!!! Or was it the other way around. Anyway pidw as a book gets buried under this inside joke meme about cumplane and people start accusing antis of just being cumplaners and its a whole thing.

I think that be fucking hilarious and peak internet. And therefore I want to believe that happened in cannon once they both transmigrated.

[tobiasdrake]

Digimon Adventure 01x46 - MetalEtemon's Counterattack / Etemon's Comeback Tour

Previously on Digimon Adventure: Yamato and Taichi punched each other so much that Homeostasis came down from Digimon Heaven to give all of the children study detention, even though six of them did nothing wrong! Except Hikari, who needed her rest and was allowed to sleep through it.

(Japanese episode titles for anime get a lot of shit for being full of spoilers. I like how the dub team apparently wanted to get in on that action this time around. SPOILERS, FUCKING BOTH OF YOU!!!)

Now the team has fractured. Yamato has gone one way, Mimi and Jou another, with what remains of the nakama following Taichi to war.

We open on carnage already in progress. An explosion of dark energy in the woods calls our attention to Ogremon, being chased through the forest by waddling treelike Digimon. He stops running, turning to face them.

These are Woodmon. An Adult-stage Virus-type Plant Digimon from the Wind Guardians. Woodmon is what can, with sufficient effort, evolve into Jureimon and Garbamon.

Narrator: Woodmon. A plant Digimon. Usually disguised as an ordinary tree, it sustains itself by capturing passing Digimon and draining their energy.

They're vampiric ambush predators that impersonate ordinary flora to snare their prey. Hahaha that's fun....

Three Woodmon advance on Ogremon; He knocks two of them back with a left hook, then bashes the third with his club.

Ogremon: My great self is not some girlish maid!

This line is difficult to translate. He seems to be saying "Ore-sama onna meido nai yo!" The subs translate this as "Don't underestimate my power" probably to avoid the obvious sexism in the line, but he is most certainly being sexist.

Ore-sama is easy. The -sama honorific is a highly respectful honorific applied to a venerable elder or superior. Applying it to a first-person pronoun like ore is one of the most Cocky Little Shit things you can say in Japanese. This is a popular choice for anime braggarts like Dragon Ball's Vegeta.

"Meido" is a maid. A female housekeeper. But just to make sure you know he's negatively comparing femininity to himself, he also says onna, which straightforwardly means "woman".

Punch, thwack, boast: I-sama am not a maid woman!

I'm not 100% but I'm fairly certain that's what he's saying.

One thing's for sure: Ogremon shit-talking women to brag about his strength isn't making it into the dub.

Ogremon: (rundown) Get away from me, you pile of Woodmon! I know your tricks! You pretend to be trees and then absorb the energy from unsuspecting Digimon as they pass by! (punch, thwack, boast) Ogremon: This is your last warning!

Punching them in the face is not a warning, Ogremon, but at least you aren't randomly denigrating women. Your Japanese counterpart somehow manages to be a Manosphere bro despite only having aesthetic gender.

I mean, he comes from the internet so that's fair. He learned it from watching us.

Also want to shout out the "I know your tricks!" bit. They somehow managed to make the diegetic rundown work despite Ogremon having no one to explain Woodmon to except Woodmon. Props for that.

Despite his bluster, though, Ogremon knows he's cooked. He can't win this fight.

Ogremon: (thinking) However, a swarm like this is too many for me to handle at once. I'll have to fend them off and keep running.

He throws his signature Haouken at the ones in front, knocking back three; The one in the center takes the hit so hard that chunks of wood break off of their face. Then he turns and starts running again, with the horde of Woodmon giving chase.

Dub Ogremon continues bragging.

Ogremon: How many Woodmon could an Ogremon chuck if an Ogremon could chuck Woodmon? PUMMEL WHACK!!! (Ogremon blasts them, then turns and runs) Ogremon: They sure run fast for tree stumps!

Bet you can't say that first line three times fast.

Cut to Mimi and Jou taking lunch in the woods. The Digimon are enjoying their food, but Mimi remains despondent.

Gomamon: (bites an apple) Mm, tasty tasty! Mimi: (quietly) Um, Jou-senpai? Jou: What? Mimi: I'm sorry for imposing my selfishness on you. Jou: What do you mean, selfishness? I don't think you're being selfish at all! I agree with what you said, Mimi-kun. Conflict is only good for creating further conflict. It does nothing to actually solve anything. But....

Jou looks up at the sky, seeing the Earth hanging above. A reminder of the instability threatening both worlds. The image of his brother Shin appears reflected in his glasses.

Jou: No, never mind. Gomamon: Jou? Jou: What? Gomamon: You should share with us if you have something to say. Jou: That's not always true, Gomamon. Even if you have something to say, sometimes it's best that you don't say it! Gomamon: Yeah, that's true. I suppose you might be right. No, you've gotta be! Jou: (pleased) You think so too, Gomamon?

Jou agrees with Mimi on principle but he's clearly worried about how those principles apply to their present situation in practice. However, he bites his tongue on the matter, feeling that there is nothing he can say at this time that would help.

In the dub:

Gomamon: (bite) This... good.... Mimi: Joe, can I tell you something? Joe: What? Mimi: I hope I wasn't too selfish for saying I didn't want to fight anymore. Joe: I don't think you were selfish. In fact, I think you were pretty brave. What you said was true; Fighting just leads to more fighting and then nothing ever gets resolved. My brother Jim used to say the same thing after he'd get beat up! (Joe looks up at the sky, thinking about Jim) Mimi: Joe? What is it, Joe? Joe: It's nothing. Never mind. Gomamon: Joe? Joe: What? Gomamon: Don't keep things bottled up inside. It's not healthy. Joe: Don't tell me about not being healthy! I've been not healthy my whole life so I'm an expert, and if I want to keep things bottled up, I will! Gomamon: Whoa! It looks like somebody needs a time out in the corner. I was just trying to lend a friendly ear! Joe: I know you were, Gomamon. Sorry, bud.

Everything through Joe's agreement with Mimi is played straight, but then things start to drift. The moment with Jim's reflection is recontextualized to be Joe nostalgically remembering him.

The follow-up with Gomamon still indicates that Joe's biting his tongue about something, but it's made more vague by giving Joe an unrelated reason to be thinking about Jim. Though I think what they're going for is that thinking about Jim made him worry for the Earth, rather than him looking at the Earth and thinking about Jim.

We lose Jou expressing his philosophy of social propriety; How small lies and omissions can maintain peace in social situations. Instead, the more high-strung Joe comically snaps at Gomamon in defense of unhealthy habits. Both of these do make sense for their separate takes on the character while still maintaining the core point that Jou/Joe has something he wants to say but won't.

Suddenly, a shadow falls over them. Something appears in the sky overhead.

Palmon: What is that!?

The darkness coalesces into a spherical object burning with the heat of atmospheric re-entry, plunging towards the Digital World.

Jou: That's a meteorite.... (Jou watches it fall) Jou: (alarmed) IT'S HEADING FOR US!!!

Meanwhile, the Woodmon horde chases Ogremon to the edge of a cliff.

Ogremon: This is bad.... I can't afford to die here! I can't die until I've defeated Leomon-- Huh!? (Ogremon spots the meteorite) Ogremon: W-WHAT IS THAT!?!?

The Woodmon scatter, but some are too late; The unpleasantly familiar looking ball of pipes and black scrap crashes down on top of the horde, killing many Woodmon and throwing Ogremon off the cliff from force of impact.

In the dub:

Palmon: What is that thing? Joe: It looks like a meteorite! (Joe watches it fall) Joe: LOOK OUT!!! IT'S COMING THIS WAY!!! (Meanwhile, on the cliff) Ogremon: I can't get rid of you guys! You're not trees, you're weeds! It can't all end like this; Not before I beat Leomon-- HUH!?!? (Ogremon spots the meteorite) Ogremon: What in the world!?

Faithful translation with a weed insult thrown at the Woodmon. The dub puts a commercial break here as we watch Ogremon plunge into the canyon. But then, so there's no confusion about what's happening in the next scene, it cuts together shots of Joe and Ogremon's reactions with the meteor landing again.

Joe: That thing is monstrous! Ogremon: It's heading right for us! (Meteor crashes and throws Ogremon into the chasm again)

Basically a Cliff's Notes version of the preceding scene.

Elsewhere in the woods, the meteor impact causes the ground to shake, which does not go unnoticed by Taichi's crew.

Taichi, Koushiro, Hikari, and Sora all grab onto trees to ride out the earthquake. Koromon, Tailmon, and Piyomon are all left to fend for themselves, but Takeru curls around Patamon and shields him on the ground.

Sora: An explosion!? (The shaking subsides) Taichi: W-What happened!? Koushiro: Was it an earthquake?

Tentomon flies down from the sky, having apparently gone to scout it out.

Tentomon: A meteorite! And a huge meteorite at that! It came crashing down nearby! Taichi: A meteorite? Sora: Let's not talk about the meteorite. We should get back on-topic.

Sora is aggressively disinterested in whatever that was. XD The remaining child soldiers in our nakama have important shit to discuss. We have, here in these woods, a fucker to assassinate.

Takeru: Right. I think we should go to Pinocchimon's mansion. Patamon: We can lead the way. Koushiro: Rather than waiting for him, we should make the first move and challenge him to fight. Tailmon: I agree. Besides, we don't have time to waste. If we don't hurry, it will be too late for both our world and yours. Hikari: Onii-chan, let's go! Taichi: Hm....

Taichi was gung-ho about charging straight into the lion's den a couple episodes ago, but recent experiences have made him reconsider the nature of valor. He hesitates, thinking things over.

Sora: H-Hold on a second, everyone! Pinocchimon is at Ultimate level, remember? He won't be an easy opponent for us to win against. Takeru: But we have to fight him eventually, don't we? Patamon: That's right!

While Taichi remains silent, Sora is badly outnumbered.

In the dub:

Sora: WHAT'S HAPPENING!?!? (The earthquake subsides) Tai: Was that some sort of explosion!? Izzy: An earthquake? Tentomon: (returning) A METEOR!!! And I mean a whopper! It just crashed in the forest! Tai: TOTALLY COOL!!! Let's go check it out! Sora: I don't know, Tai. It could be dangerous. T.K.: Yeah! Let's head over to Puppetmon's mansion instead!

Yeah, that sounds way less dangerous than the meteor. Sora funnily nipping this conversation in the bud gets replaced by Tai getting eagerly sidetracked before Sora killjoys his idea. T.K.'s response is ironic but I'm not sure if it's meant to be a deliberate joke as the irony goes unremarked upon.

On a pedantic note, Tentomon reports this incorrectly. The original correctly labels it inseki for "meteorite" rather than ryuusei for "meteor".

A meteor burns up in atmosphere; A meteorite is the chunk of a meteor that survives entering atmosphere and makes it all the way down. That shaking was the meteorite impacting the ground.

Patamon: We'll show you guys exactly where it is. Izzy: I suppose it's inevitable. He's one of the Dark Masters and we'll have to fight him sooner or later. Gatomon: Yeah, it's time somebody cut his strings instead of waiting around here! Let's take the fight to him for a change. If we don't hurry up, I'm afraid that both of our worlds will be destroyed! Kari: Let's do it, Tai! Tai: Hm.... (Tai considers) Sora: Wait a second, you guys! Let's think this over. Puppetmon is a Mega Digimon and we won't be able to defeat him that easily! T.K.: (sarcastic) Oh, in that case, let's give up and go watch cartoons! Patamon: Let's fight!

This part is a near-perfect translation. The one thing that sticks out to me is T.K.'s much more snippy response to Sora, which fits the general tone of the dub kids being meaner than their Japanese counterparts.

Now that we're at an impasse, Koushiro presents an idea.

Koushiro: Why don't we take a vote? Everyone who thinks we should go to Pinocchimon's mansion!

Koushiro, Hikari, and Takeru all raise their hands, while Sora and Taichi do not. Tentomon, Tailmon, Patamon, and Koromon all vote for going too; Koromon lacks hands, but his bunny ears go from folded down to straight up in the air, doing his best to make the voting gesture.

Though the vote clearly settles the matter numerically, Taichi's vote surprises everyone. He merely stands, arms folded, lost in thought.

Koushiro: (confused) Taichi-san? Sora: Taichi.... Taichi: (thinking) If Yamato were here, what would he do? What would he say? Takeru: Taichi-san? (Taichi opens his eyes and sees Takeru) Taichi: (thinking) If something were to happen to Takeru, how could I ever face Yamato? Hikari: Onii-chan? Tentomon: Are we going or not? Sora: (thinking) You won't go, Taichi? Taichi: Okay, I've got it! Let's scout the place out, then figure things out from there. Younger Kids: Yes! Takeru: This way, everyone!

Sora's hopes are dashed as Taichi does ultimately relent and go along with the group; Albeit not as gung-ho as he once was. Everyone leaves, following Takeru, except Sora who hesitates.

Taichi, realizing Sora's not with them, stops and turns back.

Taichi: Sora? Sora: There's no other choice. You've made your decision. Taichi: It's not what you think. If we walk into danger, Koromon and I will hold off the enemy. I want you to lead the rest to safety while we're distracting them. Sora: (surprised) Taichi! Taichi: I'm counting on you. Sora: Understood.

Now that he doesn't have Yamato to balance him out and has undergone tremendous character growth in the last couple episodes, Taichi is being uncharacteristically cautious. His plan is as he said. They'll go to Pinocchimon's mansion but they won't go in guns blazing; He wants to case the place and find out what the situation is before committing their forces to a battle they may not win.'

And he has a withdrawal plan already mapped out in his head. He's being careful about how he approaches this, in a way we've never seen from Taichi before.

In the dub:

Izzy: The only fair thing to do is to take a vote. All those in favor of going to Puppetmon's mansion, raise your hand and say 'aye'. (The kids and Digimon vote) Izzy: The 'ayes' have it! Sora: Tai, you didn't vote! Tai: (thinking) I wonder how Matt would vote? Knowing him, he'd probably go the safe route. T.K.: So Tai, what do you think? Tai: (thinking) And what about T.K.? With Matt not here, it's my job to make sure nothing happens to him. Hikari: What should we do, Tai? Tai: Well, uh.... Tentomon: We're waiting for an answer! Sora: (thinking) After all we've been through, he can't really be thinking about going.... Tai: Alright, we're going. Just to take a look around, but we don't necessarily have to start any trouble. Younger Kids: ALRIGHT!!! T.K.: It's this way, guys! (Everyone runs off except Sora) Tai: Sora? Sora: I'll go along with your decision but I'm still not sure it's safe. Tai: I know it's dangerous, Sora. And we're not looking for trouble. But if anything happens, Koromon and I will hold off Puppetmon while you take the others and escape. I won't let anything happen to you. Sora: You mean it? Tai: Of course I do! Sora: Okay, then.

I'd say this is about 95% correct. Sora's line "Tai, you didn't vote," is a little off. We held a single binary vote; Raise your arm to go, don't raise your arm to not go. By not raising his arm, Tai implicitly voted against going. You can't abstain when the options are Yes or Not Yes.

That last bit in Tai and Sora's exchange, where "I'm counting on you" is replaced by "I won't let anything happen to you," also bothers me.

The plan is the same in both versions. If things go south, Taichi and Koromon will offer themselves up to hold the line while Sora takes the rest of the team and retreats. But these lines alter the tone of how Tai presents it.

Taichi assuages her concerns by treating her as an equal and valuable contributor to this plan, while Tai assuages her concerns by promising to be her knight in shining armor - in the process implying that Sora was only concerned about her personal safety, as her worries relent as soon as he promises to protect her.

This, combined with the earlier "The meteor could be dangerous" altered dialogue makes Sora come off weaker and more cowardly than her original counterpart.

Though Taichi's group was disinterested in it, we turn our attention back to the crater as something begins to emerge. It can't be. It can't possibly....

WHO'S THE STRONGEST IN THE WOOOOOOOOOORLD!?

KING OF DIGIMON!!!

This would be a fantastic twist if both titles didn't spoil the shit out of it.

The emergence of the new and improved Etemon goes without dialogue in the original. The dub, eager to hear their most famous vocal performance again, has him narrate to nobody in particular.

MetalEtemon: Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Get ready for the comeback tour of the year! Baby, I'm BACK!!! Uh-huh-huh, YEAH!!!

Jou and Mimi make for the cliffside, interested in the meteorite.

Jou: Over there! The meteorite fell on top of that cliff! Mimi: But where did it come from? Palmon: Maybe from Earth? Jou: Eh!?

That's a good question, honestly. The conditions that would produce a meteorite aren't exactly applicable with the two worlds in dimensional flux above one another like this. Mimi points out a good reason to find this sudden meteorite suspicious as hell, though she doesn't take that to its logical conclusion.

Suddenly, Gomamon starts sniffing the ground.

Gomamon: Huh? Palmon: What's wrong? Gomamon: I smell something. Over there!

Gomamon and Palmon run into the woods, with a startled Jou and Mimi chasing after.

Jou: W-Wait! Mimi: That's dangerous! It might be a trap!

They come upon a large green figure unconscious on the ground, buried under broken tree branches. The group collectively gasps at the sight.

Gomamon: There's someone on the ground! Palmon: How did this happen!? (Palmon runs towards the figure) Palmon: Are you okay!? Hang in there!

Palmon sweeps the debris aside, revealing Ogremon badly hurt. His body is covered in scrapes and scuffs, and a trickle of blood is running down his forehead. Palmon jumps back when she realizes who she's uncovered.

Palmon: AH!!! It's Ogremon! He's not moving! He might be dead!

Obviously not because he would have turned to pixel dust, but as if on cue, Ogremon starts to move. He tries to get up, holding his shoulder in pain and causing everyone to shriek and step back from him. But he can't do more than that before he collapses back down.

In the dub, they're still calling it the wrong thing.

Joe: Look! There it is! The meteor landed up on that cliff! Mimi: I wonder where on Earth it could have come from? Palmon: Probably L.A.!

Joe makes no sound in response to Palmon's quip. He's still staring at her slack-jawed when we cut back to the wide shot of the group, but nothing draws your attention to it so it's easy to miss.

I think Palmon's quip is meant to be a joke about Elvis having homes in L.A. I disagree, though; That meteor clearly came from Memphis, Tennessee.

Gomamon: Huh? Palmon: What? Gomamon: I smell something... from over there! (The Digimon run off, as their human partners give chase) Joe: WAIT!!! Mimi: HEY!!! Not so fast; I might sweat! Palmon: And I keep tripping on my roots!

Mimi's concern is changed from fear for the Digimon's safety to disdain for physical exercise. Palmon's given a line to join Mimi in whining despite the fact that she and Gomamon are neck-and-neck, sprinting side by side with no evidence of any such tripping.

Palmon: I think someone's hurt. Gomamon: Hang in there, we're coming! Palmon: We've gotta get these branches off of him. (Palmon removes the debris from Ogremon) Palmon: Ogremon! Yikes! We'd better get out of here before he wakes up!

For more mismatched choreography to dub dialogue, they have Gomamon shout "We're coming!" before a scene where only Palmon rushes over to help.

Now, you may be wondering how the censors will approach removing the blood from Ogremon's face. I was wondering that too. And the answer is that they don't.

Yeah. Ogremon's clear, visible blood trail running down his face is allowed in. That made it past the censors. They do, however, cut the part of Palmon's line where she wonders if Ogremon's dead.

Though the sight of Ogremon in front of them is startling for everyone, Mimi only has one thing on her mind.

Mimi: He looks hurt.... Gomamon: Hey, what should we do? Jou: We'll be in big trouble if he attacks us again like on File Island. It's best if we ignore him.

No sooner are those words out of Jou's mouth than Mimi shoves past Jou to get to Ogremon.

Jou: Ah! Mimi-kun! What are you doing!?

Mimi kneels down beside Ogremon with a cloth in hand, reaching out to wipe the blood from his face.

Mimi: That's a terrible wound....

Ogremon groans and stirs, forcing Mimi to stand back up and take a step back for safety. He rouses, opening his eyes and seeing Mimi there.

Ogremon: Y-You... Chosen Child! Mimi: Stop it! Don't move or you'll open your wounds!

She kneels back down, resuming her work.

Mimi: Palmon, find medicinal herbs! Gomamon, go find water! Digimon: Right! (exit) Mimi: Jou-senpai-- Jou: I got it. I can treat his wounds. I am the son of a doctor, after all. Ogremon: Y-You.... (tries to move, then collapses) Mimi: Stay still! Ogremon: ...yes, ma'am.

Also try not to make sexist comments while you're at it. Your continued existence is in Mimi's hands right now. I hope you're grateful.

In the dub:

Mimi: It looks like he's hurt.... Palmon: Good! Then he won't be able to chase us! Joe: Remember him from File Island? He was meaner than a cat giving a bath! Let's pretend like we never found him. (Mimi shoves past Joe) Joe: Hey! Mimi! What are you doing!?

The language is snippier, but fair given the circumstances. I like this interpretation.

(Mimi kneels down to tend to Ogremon's wounds) Mimi: This cut looks bad-- Ogremon: Grrrghh.... Mimi: Oh! (Mimi jerks back) Ogremon: ...you're the DigiDestined. Mimi: Well, I guess you don't have amnesia but try not to move anyway, okay? (Mimi kneels back down to wipe away the blood) Mimi: Palmon, go look for some healing herbs, and Gomamon, see if you can find some water. Digimon: Right! (exit) Mimi: Now, Joe, I want you to-- Joe: I know. My father's a doctor and he taught me a lot; I used to practice on my toys. Ogremon: TOYS!?!? (tries to move, then collapses) Mimi: I told you not to move! Ogremon: ...okay....

The toys bit got me. XD Not just Ogremon's hilarious reaction, but the mental image it conjures of Chibi Jou/Joe doing play-surgery on little plastic Gundams and Astro Boys is perfect characterization.

The dub handles this scene beautifully, covering every detail while putting it in their own voice. No notes.

Working together, Mimi and Jou render medical aid to Ogremon.

Ogremon: Agh! THAT HURTS!!! Mimi: These herbs must sting a lot. Jou: Your arm might be broken, so I'm putting it in a sling.

Jou reaches into his duffel bag and pulls out a roll of toilet paper from his supplies.

Jou: Um... I guess this will work. Mimi: Why toilet paper? Jou: (wrapping the sling) I'm substituting it for bandages. Before we returned to this world, I thought I should bring stuff that would be useful to us. This was all I could think of, though. But when you use it like this....

Jou manages to make a functioning sling out of it.

Jou: There! That's a big help, isn't it? (pats Ogremon's arm) Ogremon: OW!!! Mimi: Ehehe! Jou-senpai is so smart! Ogremon: Why? Why are you helping me? I tried to kill you all on File Island. No one would be surprised if you decided to kill me right here and now. Mimi: Again? Killing this and killing that.... Don't you have any more tasteful words? Ogremon: More tasteful...? U-U-Um-I-- (stands up) Mimi: If you push yourself too hard, you might start crying. Well, take care of yourself.

Ogremon doesn't mince words here, using the vulgar term korosu which means, unambiguously, to kill. As a reminder, during the arc itself, the show favored the milder taosu verb for "defeating" them. Like Pinocchimon, he's using harsher language now that the show shied away from in earlier arcs.

Mimi's response here connects back to her emotional state she's been in since the graves. She is so done with all of this violence. Ogremon asks why they didn't kill him and Mimi's response is basically "OH MY GAWD Why does everything have to be about killing!?"

Her reaction is pretty similar to her "Fighting and fighting, and what do we get out of it!?" meltdown over Taichi and Yamato's pointless fistfight. Everyone around her seems to default to violence, and she's done with it.

It's a scolding that leaves Ogremon, a mon who prides himself on being the Vegeta to Leomon's Goku, at a loss for words.

In the dub:

Ogremon: Ow! That stuff hurts! Be careful! Mimi: Big baby! Don't you want to get better? Joe: It looks like his arm might be broken. We're going to have to put it in a sling. (Joe rifles through his duffle) Joe: Oooh, toilet paper! Mimi: Do you have to do that now? Joe: Really, Mimi? I'm using it as bandages! Before we came back to the Digital World, I thought of things we might need and toilet paper was the first thing that came to my mind! (Joe wraps Ogremon's arm) Joe: There! Just about finished here. Well? Ogremon: Feels soft! It must be two-ply. Joe: Lay off the Digivolving for a few days and you'll be as good as new! (pats Ogremon's arm) Ogremon: OW!!! Mimi: Joe, I never knew you were so resourceful!

This bit goes strong. It's faithfully translated, but they make room for a silly gag where Mimi, quite reasonably, misunderstands the purpose of the toilet paper.

"Lay off the Digivolving for a few days" is an odd instruction to give a non-Partnered Digimon, however. Ogremon evolving into an Andromon would be a great benefit. Though, let's be real, he's probably lost too many fights with Leomon to ever be eligible for Ultimate Digivolution.

Ogremon: Why are you DigiDestined being so nice to me? Especially after the way I tried to destroy you on File Island? You could have left me here to rot but instead you saved me; Why? Mimi: Well, we were taught that if someone's in trouble, you always help them out. That means, even if they were trying to pummel you into oblivion. Ogremon: Gee, I never thought of it that way. Mimi: Don't mention it. Besides, that's what friends do; They help each other out. Joe: Bye!

Here, the dub falters. They shy away from Mimi's scolding over Ogremon's violent language. This costs both Mimi and Ogremon a great moment for their individual characterizations; Instead we get drama-free generic moral thoughtfulness.

All we get from this is that Mimi is a kind person who was raised well, and Ogremon doesn't understand kindness.

As Mimi and Jou turn to walk away, Ogremon continues tripping over his words until he finally finds something tasteful enough to say to Mimi.

Ogremon: W-WAIT!!! Th... Th... Thank you!

Mimi's face brightens considerably when she hears those words. She turns back around.

Mimi: You're welcome.

Ogremon's eyes fill with tears.

Gomamon: Ogremon is crying! Jou: These must be tears from a demon's eyes! Ogremon: (wipes his eyes) I just have dirt in my eyes!

Jou here references a Japanese expression: 鬼の目にも涙 Oni no me ni mo namida, or "Tears from a demon's eyes". It means that even the hardest and cruelest hearts can be brought to tears.

This sub translates it as "crocodile tears" which is a terrible translation; Crocodile tears means he's faking it, only pretending to cry in order to elicit undeserved sympathy. Wildly different meaning, and an accusation that utterly shatters the tone of this scene. That's a rolled-up newspaper thwack.

The dub builds on the "what friends do" bit for their version of this scene.

Ogremon: Wait, don't leave now! I... never had any friends.... Mimi: Ah! Well, you have them now. (Ogremon cries) Gomamon: I've never seen Ogremon cry before! Joe: Don't tell me you need more toilet paper to blow your nose. Ogremon: (wipes his eyes) It's alright; I'll just use my sleeve.

Suddenly, an ominous voice calls down from the trees.

Pinocchimon sings the same haunting tune he sang when he was creeping up on Takeru earlier.

Pinocchimon: (singsong) Let's pla~ay! Let's pla~ay! Let's pla~ay Riddles! Jou: PINOCCHIMON!!! Gomamon: What do you mean, "Riddles"? Pinocchimon: What is the thing that I'm missing? Gomamon: What are you missing? Pinocchimon: Hurry up and tell me!

Pinocchimon's had time to consider what Jureimon was trying to tell him, before he lost his temper and killed him. But the only person who knows what Jureimon meant is now dead.

When Gomamon can't answer in time, Pinocchimon lets off a volley from his Bullet Hammer. Gomamon scrambles out of the bullets' path.

Pinocchimon: If you can't answer my riddle, I'll kill you. Palmon: Mimi, I have to evolve! Mimi: But....

Visions of Togemon being brutally killed by Pinocchimon's Bullet Hammer run through Mimi's head.

(Probably accurate. Pinocchimon is above even Lilimon's weight class.)

Mimi: (thinking) I can't... If Togemon were killed....

Mimi is paralyzed by her trauma.

In the dub, Puppetmon doesn't sing his haunting song; He simply calls down from the tree about Ogremon wiping his eyes.

Puppetmon: That's gotta hurt with all those spikes! Mimi: Huh!? Puppetmon: Here's a riddle: What has four strings and is made of wood? Mimi & Joe: PUPPETMON!?!? Puppetmon: No! A violin! But that's a good guess; I guess you guys aren't music-lovers. Gomamon: No, it's YOU we don't like! Puppetmon: Yeah? Do you like this? (Puppetmon sprays Bullet Hammer projectiles at Gomamon) Puppetmon: I can also play a really mean saxophone. Palmon: I've gotta Digivolve! Mimi: But... (Mimi pictures Togemon dying) Mimi: (thinking) Oh no... What if Togemon gets hurt during the fight...?

The decision made two episodes ago to swap out "Those children have something that you lack" for "Those children might be stronger than you" means the foundation for this scene hasn't been laid in the dub. Instead, this scene gets played as a straightforward Combat Encounter. Puppetmon shows up, is menacing, and then starts shooting.

Though Mimi is paralyzed by her fear for Palmon's safety, Jou has no such reservation.

Jou: Gomamon, evolve! Gomamon: On it!

In the dub:

Joe: Gomamon, Digivolve! Gomamon: Right!

Ikakkumon makes one overly optimistic attempt to fire on Pinocchimon, launching a Harpoon Vulcan at the tree branch he's standing on. It destroys the branch, but Pinocchimon hops over the blast with no difficulty whatsoever because of course he does.

The blast destroys the tree. Pinocchimon lands on the stump, giggling at Jou. Time to kick things up a notch with Super-Evolution!

It does not go well. Pinocchimon and Zudomon clap their Bullet Hammer and Hammer Spark together in a contest of pure, raw strength. A contest that Zudomon loses, sending the Thor Hammer flying from his hand.

Flames erupt from the force of Pinocchimon's Bullet Hammer, engulfing Zudomon and one-shotting him. He falls on his back, then degenerates into an unconscious Gomamon.

All of this action passes by without a single added line of dialogue by the dug.

With Gomamon defeated, Pinocchimon raises his Bullet Hammer menacingly.

Pinocchimon: I'm not hearing an answer! Guess I'll have to kill ya-- Out of Nowhere: (Tarzan roar)

In an ironic twist, it's now an ominous menacing voice in the distance haunting Pinocchimon.

Swinging from a vine, MetalEtemon arrives on the swinging, leaping to a tree branch and flexing his muscles for the crowd.

Pinocchimon: Who are you!? MetalEtemon: Don't you know a superstar when you see one? (MetalEtemon starts clapping feverishly) MetalEtemon: Now, applaud! Applaud! (He stops suddenly, getting serious) MetalEtemon: Long time no see, Chosen Children. Jou: YOU'RE ETEMON!!!

Maybe Dub Sora was right; That meteor(ite) was pretty dangerous after all. Following this revelation, the original takes its commercial break.

In the dub, as before, this remains an ordinary combat encounter with no greater meaning for Puppetmon's character journey.

Puppetmon: Don't tell me playtime's over! Out of Nowhere: (Tarzan yell) (Puppetmon looks around for the swinging MetalEtemon) Puppetmon: Alright already! (MetalEtemon lands) MetalEtemon: Get Digi with it; MetalEtemon's in da house!

The dub puts its commercial break here, at MetalEtemon's reveal and tone-setting Will Smith reference. The King of Digimon is back, in more ways than one, and appropriately enough he is stealing from black artists.

Then we pick up right where we left off after the commercials.

Pinocchimon: Who's that guy!? (MetalEtemon starts clapping feverishly) MetalEtemon: A superstar like me deserves a little applause, bay-beh! (He stops suddenly, getting serious) MetalEtemon: After all, it's been so long since we've seen each other! Joe: Oh no, it's Etemon!

As we return from the original's commercial break, the new and improved Etemon makes his official debut.

MetalEtemon: Etemon is old news. I've been reborn as the new and improved MetalEtemon!

MetalEtemon is an Ultimate-stage Virus-type Cyborg Digimon. Despite clearly being meant to be evolved from Etemon, he debuted as a Nature Spirit - the first V-Pet to allow Ultimate evolutions, and one that did not include standard Etemon in its roster. Instead, he was an evolution for Okuwamon, the Perfect form of Kuwagamon, and TonosamaGekomon. Weird.

But subsequent appearances in video games and the like have shored him up as Etemon's Ultimate evolution.

Fun note: The kanji on his chest are 最強. The 最 kanji is sai, meaning the highest, most supreme, most ultimate of whatever the other word is. This is being used to modify 強 kyou, which means strength.

Yes, as part of his Ultimate evolution, Mr. Konoyo de Saikyou/Strongest in the Living World fucking got the word Saikyou tattooed on his chest. He certainly does not lack for confidence.

(He also swapped out his Monzaemon doll for a WaruMonzaemon doll, which is the same level as Monzaemon but from a different evolution tree.)

Narrator: MetalEtemon. The Ultimate-stage Digimon that evolves from the Perfect-stage Etemon. His special attack is Banana Slip!

The rundown tells us absolutely nothing interesting about MetalEtemon whatsoever. 0/10 on the rundown scale.

In the dub:

MetalEtemon: I used to be Etemon, kid, but that was a long time ago! Now, I'm MetalEtemon! Thank you; Thank you very much! Gomamon: We thought Etemon was tough! MetalEtemon's a Mega Digimon! After his Banana Slip attack, you'll have to peel us off the floor!

The dub's rundown is as useless as the original's. I award them both no points.

The Digimon, of course, have so many questions about this turn of events.

Palmon: I thought you died! How did you come back!? MetalEtemon: I'm glad you asked!

Conjuring a presumably metaphorical Etemon band to back him up, MetalEtemon starts singing his tale.

MetalEtemon: (singing) It's a tale that makes both its listeners and storyteller weep with emotion~! MetalEtemon: After my battle with MetalGreymon, you all know I was pulled into a Black Hole, yes? Within the Hell of that dark world, my body was destroyed and regenerated over and over again. But I refused to die, and I survived! Do you know why? Because the only thing on my mind was getting revenge against the Chosen Children for making me suffer like this!

The singularity that sent Taichi and Agumon home was apparently a horrific experience for MetalEtemon. He calls it Jigoku no ankoku sekai, using "Hell" as a modifier for "the dark world". He didn't literally go to Hell but is equating the dark world inside the singularity to being like Hell.

MetalEtemon: Then I was reborn into MetalEtemon! Today, I have returned to this world! MetalEtemon: (singing) All so I can get my revenge on you~! Understand? It's the Pent-up Resentment and Revenge BLUUUUUES!!!

In the dub, nobody asks about MetalEtemon's survival; He volunteers this story of his own volition. That's fair; I'm sure he's been chomping at the bit to tell it and would have explained himself either way.

Palmon: Just what we need; New and unimproved! MetalEtemon: Well, let me tell you how I became 'me'! MetalEtemon: (singing) So here's what transpired / When Etemon expired / Listen up, bay-beh! MetalEtemon: I'm sure you all remember the battle I had with MetalGreymon! I tell ya, he's one tough dinosaur, honey! After that, I was swallowed up by a black hole; I think I gave it indigestion! My digital information was scattered throughout the universe! I pulled myself together and chilled out for a while in Digimon Limbo. My information was chopped, mixed, whipped, and pureed! I felt like a four-speed blender, honey! But I refused to return to the Digital World until I was bigger, badder, and had a full head of beautiful metal hair!

MetalEtemon's origin is wildly different in the dub. The black hole scattered his data around the universe, which... is the opposite of what a black hole does, but okay. Then he reassembled himself by sheer force of will and, on purpose, entered Digimon Limbo. Which. Is apparently a thing that exists; He drops that with zero explanation.

Digimon Limbo is a nightmare place that ripped him apart bit by bit, but he went in there voluntarily as a sort of extreme shonen training to turn himself into MetalEtemon. Now his super-training is complete, and he's popped out to get his vengeance.

So, basically, Japanese MetalEtemon is Jason Voorhees clawing back from the edge of death for another go, while American MetalEtemon is Golden Frieza. That's. Kind of amazing.

Also, "Here's what transpired / When Etemon expired" is beautiful lyricism.

MetalEtemon: Now I'm back to get my revenge on YOU, DigiDestined! MetalEtemon: (singing) I got the low-down, dirty, revengeful / YOWWW / I'm talking... / Big-time DigiDestined bluuuuuuues!

One way or another, Etemon is going to be like Vamdemon; This isn't over until we see the dust of his pixels.

...

._. Mimi-chan, I apologize for my tasteless words.

As MetalEtemon concludes his lyrical recap, we come back to see that the children have plugged their ears and listened to none of his backstory crooning.

Pinocchimon: (relieved) It's over.... MetalEtemon: There's more where that came from, little boy. Pinocchimon: DID YOU SAY 'LITTLE BOY'!?!? MetalEtemon: BANANA SLIP!!!

A furious Pinocchimon charges MetalEtemon, walking right into his trap. MetalEtemon hits him with Banana Slip. It's. Um. It's literally throwing a banana peel under his foot so that he slips and falls on his ass.

MetalEtemon: What's wrong, little boy? Pinocchimon: STOP SAYING 'LITTLE BOY'!!!

Sitting up, Pinocchimon swipes with his Bullet Hammer, striking MetalEtemon in his metal shin and leaving a surprisingly painful-looking red bruise. MetalEtemon yelps in pain, grabbing his leg and hopping on one foot.

The dub plays this as Puppetmon interrupting the concert. Consequently, he's the aggressor here rather than MetalEtemon being the one antagonizing him.

Puppetmon: Enough! MetalEtemon: I just got started, you oversized footstool! Puppetmon: WHO YOU CALLIN' OVERSIZED!?!? MetalEtemon: Watch your step! BANANA SLIP!!! (Puppetmon charges in and trips on the banana peel) MetalEtemon: Too much of a waxy build-up? Uh-huh-huh! Puppetmon: (sits up) PUPPET PUMMEL!!! (swipe)

The dub cuts the shot of Puppetmon's hammer impacting MetalEtemon's shin. We get a white flash and cut straight to him bouncing on one leg, nursing the wound.

Once again, we lose characterization details on Pinocchimon here. In the original, MetalEtemon goads him into a fight by infantilizing him. Pinocchimon falls for his provocations hook, line, and sinker because he's sensitive about his genuine childishness.

For Puppetmon, this remains a standard combat encounter with no particular character nuances. What we get instead are jokes, which fit in well to a combat encounter involving slipping on a banana peel. This is already a comical fight, so the quips fit in nicely with the tone.

Puppetmon does the classic "Objecting to the wrong part of your insult" bit, which I admit got me. XD

Not sure what the "waxy build-up" crack is supposed to mean, however.

Still, I do prefer the original because I'll always take character nuance over quipping.

And on that note, this goofball fight continues.

MetalEtemon: HOW DARE YOU!?

MetalEtemon bounces on one foot, nursing his injured leg, then suddenly lunges for Pinocchimon. Pinocchimon sidesteps the lunge; Then, while MetalEtemon's on the ground, Pinocchimon calls Drill Nose.

Pinocchimon's nose spins like a drill and he stabs it into MetalEtemon's ass cheek. This proves to be a mistake, as it sets him up for MetalEtemon's counter-move Hekoki Attack. Which. Um.

Hekoki means "fart". MetalEtemon farts in Pinocchimon's face. Brief cut to Mimi, Jou, and Ogremon all plugging their noses to avoid being caught in the crossfire.

What a dignified clash of Ultimate powers, the most ultra-rare and supreme Digimon in all existence, we have had here today. It goes to show that no matter how high the Power Levels may become, there's a limit to how serious a fistfight between a small child and a bag of poop wearing sunglasses can be.

Pinocchimon recovers, unloading his Bullet Hammer's rapid-fire bullets. MetalEtemon blocks them all with his hand, then calls a left hook to the face as Number One Punch.

Pinocchimon: (pained) You've done it now! MetalEtemon: Children should behave like children.

That remark provokes a point-blank Bullet Hammer, as Pinocchimon slams his hammer into the ground and showers MetalEtemon in gunspray. MetalEtemon pulls back and blocks when he sees Pinocchimon telegraph the swing.

While this is going on, Jou snaps into Senpai mode. He grabs Mimi and starts pushing her away from the fight.

Mimi: NYAAAGH!!! Jou: Run while they're distracted! Ogremon: Good idea!

The children and their new pal quickly exit the fight. Meanwhile, Pinocchimon makes funny faces to bait MetalEtemon into punching a tree, which breaks and falls on him. He's crushed under the tree with a comical yelp.

(The best hit Pinocchimon scored all fight was by tricking MetalEtemon into hitting himself.)

In the dub:

MetalEtemon: Ow! I'll use you as a toothpick!

The dub cuts the Drill Nose/Hekoki Attack exchange. We go straight from Puppetmon dodging MetalEtemon's tackle to MetalEtemon firing a spray of bullets from his Bullet Hammer, which MetalEtemon blocks with his palm.

They keep Number One Punch, even showing the moment his fist slams into Pinocchimon's face. Surprising, given that they cut the impact from Pinocchimon hitting MetalEtemon's shin earlier. However, they rename it Metal Punch.

Puppetmon: Ow! You fight dirty! MetalEtemon: I'm not dirty; I just got detailed at the car wash yesterday! (Puppetmon blasts MetalEtemon; Joe starts pushing Mimi) Mimi: AUGH!!! Joe: Now's our chance to escape!

Ogremon has no line in this version; He silently follows the escaping kids.

Again, they took out the part where MetalEtemon goads and provokes Pinocchimon by infantilizing him and replaced it with a genuinely funny quip.

While all this is going on, Taichi's team have reached Pinocchimon's mansion. Taichi scouts the front with his mini telescope.

Taichi: So that's Pinocchimon's mansion. He has two guards.

Though Taichi can't see the two guards in any detail, he - in a clever moment of Understanding The Rules - recognizes that this is good enough to register them in his Pokedex. He snatches his Digivice out of his pocket and passes it off to Koushiro.

Taichi: Look them up. Koushiro: Okay.

The two guards are the pair of Digimon that watched Takeru escape the mansion a couple episodes ago: Floramon and Delumon.

Floramon is a Child-stage Data-type Plant Digimon from the Wind Guardians lineup. They're what evolves into Woodmon and Kiwimon.

Delumon is a Perfect-stage Data-type Bird Digimon, also from Wind Guardians. Their name is derived from the english word "Deluxe" due to their fancy appearance as a distinguished bird. However, due to common anime translation confusion relating to the letters 'l' and 'r', this gets mistranslated in the dub as "Deramon".

Delumon can evolve from any Wind Guardian adult but most fits as the evolved form of Kiwimon.

Narrator: Floramon. A plant-type Digimon that evolved in a reptilian shape. Their special attack is Allergy Shower. Koushiro: The other one is.... Narrator: Delumon. At first glance, they may look like a bird, but they're actually a strange Digimon with vegetation growing out of their back. Their special attack is Royal Nuts!

I'm going to need us all to try and be as mature as we possibly can about Delumon's Royal Nuts.

(Hahaha XD I told y'all they fit best as Kiwimon's evo.)

That one unsettles Taichi.

Taichi: That one's Perfect-stage? Koushiro: (returns Taichi's Digivice) Yes. Tentomon: They shouldn't be a problem, though. Let's go in, everyone!

Tentomon flies over to where Hikari, Takeru, and the Digimon are waiting, but Taichi calls after them before they can set out.

Taichi: Hang on! There might be more of them inside. I'm going to go in and scout ahead; The rest of you hang back here. Takeru: Then I should come with you. Patamon and I are the only ones who know the layout. Patamon: Mhm! Taichi: (reluctant) That might help.... Takeru: Are you going to treat me like a little kid? Taichi: No.... Hikari: Let's go together, Onii-chan. Koushiro: I agree with Hikari-san! It won't be scary if we all go together! Koromon: What do you say, Taichi? Taichi: Very well. Let's go, everyone!

Taichi still trying to figure out how to be responsible for these younger kids without Yamato or Jou here, without giving into the bad kind of courage. But they twist his arm and get him to go along with the majority vote.

In the dub:

Tai: So that's Puppetmon's mansion, huh? There are two guards! (Tai hands over his Digivice) Tai: See who they are. Izzy: Analyzing. Izzy: (rundown) One of them is Floramon. She's a Plant type Digimon who Digivolves like a reptile. Her attack is Rain of Pollen. Izzy: And the other guard is.... Izzy: (rundown) Deramon. At first glance, it looks like Bird-type Digimon but it's actually got a plant growing out of its back! Prodigious!

Izzy does his best to translate the rundowns faithfully but makes one easy mistake: He says that Floramon Digivolves like a reptile, future tense, implying that her future evolutions are going to be reptilian in nature.

There's only one reptilian evolution line in the Wind Guardians and it is, ironically, one of only two Floramon can't evolve into. Plants and birds make up most of this evolution tree.

She evolved like a reptile, past tense. Floramon is a lizard made of plant matter.

Tai: So they're not Ultimate Digimon, right? Izzy: Right. Tentomon: Nonetheless, we should be careful! They could be quite dangerous! Shall we go?

Izzy then concludes the rundown by reminding us of how constantly wrong he is. Tai asks for confirmation that they are not "Ultimate", which in the dub is Perfect, and Izzy lies to his face about it. Deramon is, in fact, an Ultimate Digimon.

Tentomon promptly flips the script from being gung-ho about fighting despite the enemy having a Perfect to being cautious and nervous about fighting despite the enemy allegedly having nothing of such high level.

Once Izzy's done being pseudointellectually wrong about facts he is actively looking up as he says them, this next part is basically perfect.

Tai: Wait! There might be more guards inside! I'll go inside and make sure the coast is clear; You guys wait here until I get back. T.K.: Tai, I think Patamon and I should go with you. After all, we're the only ones who know where everything is inside there. Patamon: Right! Tai: Sorry, it might be dangerous... T.K.: Come on, Tai! Don't treat me like a little kid! Tai: That's not it. Kari: What if we go together? As a team? Izzy: I vote with Kari! There's nothing to be afraid of if we all go together! Koromon: What do we do, Tai? You decide? Tai: Alright, everyone! We're going! Follow me!

Cutting back to the Ultimate Clash of Ultimate Powers, we find MetalEtemon slapping himself in the face over and over.

MetalEtemon: (smack) What! (smack) Is this! (smack) Ouch! OW OW OW OW OWWWWW!!!

Zooming out, we see MetalEtemon wriggling on strings, puppeteered by Pinocchimon above him.

Pinocchimon: Ahahahaha! Again! MetalEtemon: Augh! Stop it!

Pinocchimon uses the strings to flop MetalEtemon over onto his back, and then forces him to tickle himself.

MetalEtemon: That tickles! Ahahahaha AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Pinocchimon: Now to deal with the children--HUH!?!? THEY'RE GONE!!!

Huge success for Jou's plan of, uh, turning around and walking away.

I've noticed this before but it's especially noticeable here: The dub, as usual, makes dissimilar sound effect choices to the original. In the original, every time MetalEtemon hits himself, such as his earlier clapping or slapping his own face here, the impacts make a metallic clanging sound. This reinforces that he's, y'know, coated in metal from head to toe.

The dub opts for ordinary flesh slapping sounds, which makes it sound like he's just painted silver rather than made of metal.

MetalEtemon: (slap) Ow! (slap) Ow! (slap) OW! Hey! Cut it out! Puppetmon: Nahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Puppetmon makes MetalEtemon tickle himself) MetalEtemon: Hey, quit it! I hate tickling! Come on! Puppetmon: Now I can finally take care of those kids! HMM!?!? THEY'RE GONE!!!

Faithful translation.

While Pinocchimon's distracted, MetalEtemon rips himself free of the marionette strings. Once he hears Pinocchimon's words, however, he whips around in fury.

MetalEtemon: NGGGH!!! WHAT WAS THAT!?!? Pinocchimon: This is your fault! MetalEtemon: No, it's yours!

This is MetalEtemon's fault. Pinocchimon had dibs on the basis of First Come First Served and was about to start killing when MetalEtemon interrupted.

Jury finds in favor of the sad little puppet boy and orders Titanium Elvis to surrender two children in compensation plus another half of a child in emotional damages.

MetalEtemon lunges furiously for the tree branch Pinocchimon's standing on. Pinocchimon hops over his lunge, then kicks him in the back and uses him as a springboard to get moving into the forest. MetalEtemon slams facefirst into the tree while Pinocchimon heads off into the woods.

Pinocchimon: I quit! MetalEtemon: (grumbling) What's with you? Pinocchimon: Got bored. Going home. MetalEtemon: Crude little brat. But at least he's not around to get in my way anymore. Just you wait, Chosen Children! You'll regret making light of me!

In an ironic twist, Pinocchimon is the one who shows maturity and realizes how pointless this is. And MetalEtemon didn't even need a higher being to come make him do backstory homework before agreeing to let him go! Such maturity.

In the dub, MetalEtemon is the one who starts the blame game.

MetalEtemon: It's your fault, you piece of rotted driftwood! Puppetmon: You recycled tin can! MetalEtemon: Big, dumb knothole! (MetalEtemon lunges; Puppetmon kicks off his back and starts to walk away) MetalEtemon: Hey! Where ya goin'!? Puppetmon: Home! You're lousy at name-calling! MetalEtemon: Oh yeah!? Well, I'm metal and you're wood! Whatever you say bounces off me and splits you in half! ...Who needs him anyway? I can find those DigiDestined myself; After all, I am the ultimate metal detector.

Lots of material composition jokes in this exchange. The "I'm metal and you're wood" bit got me. XD

The dub version seems to be implying that MetalEtemon had been trying to team up with Puppetmon this whole time? Weird way to go about it.

Back at the mansion, Koromon evolves to Agumon and the children ambush Pinocchimon's guards.

Suddenly rushing them without warning, Tentomon nails Floramon with his Petit Thunder while Agumon lobs a Baby Flame at Delumon.

(Weird choice to come at them at Child stage after Koushiro specifically analyzed and confirmed that Delumon is Perfect. Weirder is that Delumon looks more ruffled by their attacks than Floramon does.)

Delumon: What do you think you are doing!?!? Agumon: Isn't that obvious!? You're with Pinocchimon, aren't you!? Delumon: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! Floramon: It's not like that at all. Takeru: Then what is it like? Delumon: Well... He sees us as playmates de aru, but we don't feel the same de aru.

Delumon ends his sentences with "de aru" instead of the standard "desu"; This signifies that he's speaking in a posh and formal manner, as is to be expected from the Deluxe Monster. It's not something I would normally write out in the transcript, but it forms the basis of an upcoming gag.

Delumon leans in conspiratorially.

Delumon: Don't tell him I said this de aru but the truth is that WE DESPISE PINOCCHIMON DE ARU!!! Takeru: That's right! I just remembered de aru. Pinocchimon doesn't have any friends de aru. Patamon: Yeah yeah! Hikari: Really? That makes Pinocchimon a really sad person de aru. Tailmon: ...you don't have to copy him. Hikari: Ehehehe!

Inspired by Delumon, Takeru and Hikari decide that seems like fun and start playing around with de aru as their "to be" verb too. This is how language evolves, especially in the minds of impressionable children.

Oh fuck me, we rolled up and started shooting at Pinocchimon's victims. Holy shit, I am glad we got this sorted out before somebody died; We're kind of in Shoot to Kill mode at this point so that was a real possibility!

A valuable lesson has been learned today about wildly spraying bullets into a populated location where one identified bad guy can be found. I'm sure this has no real-world application whatsoever. Nope nope.

The de aru bit won't translate to English, so obviously the dub has to drop that.

(Tentomon and Agumon jump Floramon and Deramon) Deramon: If you wanted fried chicken, you could have asked! Agumon: Sorry, we thought you guys were out here protecting Puppetmon's mansion. Deramon: Oh, so you barbecue me!? Floramon: We're not here protecting anything! T.K.: Then what are you guys doing? Deramon: Well, we're supposed to be Puppetmon's playmates. You know, someone to chase around and attack when he gets bored. (Deramon leans in conspiratorially) Deramon: But let me fill you in on a little secret: Puppetmon is an obnoxious jerk and none of us around this place can stand him! T.K.: Oh, yeah. Now I remember. Puppetmon doesn't have any friends even though he thinks he does. Patamon: Yeah, that's right! Kari: Wow, what could be worse than having a life without a single friend? Gatomon: A litter box lined with fly paper? Kari: AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Despite having to lose the de aru, this is a solid adaptation. In particular, Deramon's line "Oh, so you barbecue me!?" is perfect. You can feel his outrage at getting shot for being in the vicinity of a bad guy.

Taichi, his eye on the ball, questions Delumon.

Taichi: Well? Is Pinocchimon inside? Delumon: No de aru. He's out de aru. Agumon: What should we do, Taichi? Taichi: We should sneak into Pinocchimon's mansion. Takeru: Delumon, take us in de aru. Delumon: Will do de aru. Follow me de aru.

Hikari got scolded by her Partner but Takeru's still doing it.

Delumon and Floramon turn to lead the kids in, but then Delumon stops and turns back to them.

Delumon: AH!!! Let me ask you one favor first de aru. You have to keep this a secret from PInocchimon de aru. Everyone: WE WILL DE ARU!!!

XD Goddammit every single one of you. Even Tailmon gets in on this one.

In the dub:

Tai: So, is Puppetmon inside the house right now? Deramon: I think he's out being fumigated for termites. Agumon: So what should we do, Tai? Tai: Well, now's a good chance to take a look inside the mansion. T.K.: Deramon, will you show us around? Deramon: Sure; I used to be a tour guide at Digimon Studios! (They start to go, but then Deramon stops) Deramon: Oh! No video cameras, flash photography, food, or drink are allowed during the tour. Everyone: GREAT!!! LET'S GO!!! Deramon: The main structure was built before the Digital Revolution....

Unable to utilize the de aru gag, the dub compensates with a lot of quipping. They also add a line for Deramon at the end, as the children silently approach the mansion, which is a strong choice.

Since we can't leave on the punchline of everyone saying de aru together, they wrote a different punchline playing off their "tour guide" angle. That way, we still get to end this scene on a silly note.

Elsewhere in the woods, MetalEtemon's search for Mimi and Jou continues, but they've found safety under the roots of a tree.

MetalEtemon swings briefly into a tree branch, looking around the woods. He mutters to himself.

MetalEtemon: Damn it! Where did you run off to, children?

Then he grabs another vine and swings away, and we pan down to Jou, Mimi, and Ogremon hiding under a tree.

Mimi: Do your wounds still hurt? Ogremon: I'm doing well, Miss. I promise, I will return the favor some day. Mimi: You don't have to do that. Ogremon: NO, I MUST!!! That is the code of honor that every lone wolf upholds! Jou: (gasp) By "code of honor", do you mean like "O hikae nasu," "O hikae nasu,"!? Mimi: (laugh) That's so old-fashioned! Ogremon: (pout) ...so I'm an old-fashioned Digimon. Gomamon: Look! Ogremon is sulking! Kids: Ahahaha!

This one's complicated.

Ogremon's "code of honor" here is jingi, a particular sense of duty and ethics commonly associated with unsavory types such as yakuza. The phrase Jou breaks out for confirmation is an archaic way for yakuza and other criminal types to greet one another. He's confirming that Ogremon is talking about an "honor among thieves" sort of deal.

In the dub:

MetalEtemon: How hard could it be to find a bunch of kids!? (swings away) (Pan down to Mimi, Joe, and Ogremon) Mimi: So, does it still hurt? Ogremon: Actually, no. Not really. I need to know how I can ever thank you all. Mimi: Oh, forget about it. You don't need to thank us. Ogremon: No, I have to! It's an ancient tradition to repay all acts of kindness. It's part of my sacred moral code as an Ogremon! Joe: Sacred moral code; What are you, a member of King Arthur's Court or something!? Mimi: Oh, that's so romantic! Ogremon: (pout) I'm sorry, I'll try to be meaner next time! Gomamon: Yeah, you'll ruin your reputation! Kids: Ahahahahaha!

This flows pretty well but the nuance is lost. There's a context shift, as we lose the reference between Ogremon's behavior and old-school gang conduct. Without that connection, what is now all Ogremon having a "sacred moral code" lands a little weird given what we know about this guy.

End result, Ogremon gets ridiculed for having inexplicably high moral standards for a guy who tried to murder children that then go unexplained. In the original, he was being called out for being the Japanese equivalent of a Pinstripe Mafioso with a Tommy Gun.

Back at the mansion, Taichi and his group enter Pinocchimon's mansion.

Right as they walk in, they find a gift box waiting on the stairs in the foyer. It springs open on its own, revealing a jack-in-the-box puppet of a soldier in camo fatigues. With an SMG in hand, the puppet sprays gunfire at the intruders.

The team scatters. Taichi, Sora, and Hikari go one way with Delumon, Piyomon, and Tailmon. Koushiro and Takeru go the other way with Floramon, Tentomon, Patamon, and Agumon. Most of the kids have their partners, though Taichi and Agumon are separated in the panic.

Taichi: W-What the hell!? Delumon: I think that was a jack-in-the-box! Taichi: Are you trying to lead us into a trap!? Delumon: Absolutely not! We aren't as mean and underhanded as Pincochimon! Please believe me. Hikari: We should believe him, Onii-chan.

Meanwhile, Koushiro's group finds a toy fire truck in their hallway.

Takeru: Huh? It's a fire truck? Floramon: Don't! If you touch it--

Too late. Patamon touches it, causing the siren to turn on.

Agumon: A siren? Floramon: This! (Floramon picks it up) Floramon: Needs to go! (Floramon hurls it out the window) Floramon: EVERYONE DOWN!!!

Everyone drops to the floor, covering their heads. Outside, the explosion from the detonating fire truck blasts open the wall beside them.

Koushiro: It was a time bomb.... Floramon: That's why I told you not to touch anything! Agumon & Patamon: Sorry....

Despite the censoring of other guns, the dub keeps the G.I. Jack-in-the-box sentry. I guess that gun's fine because it's disguised as a toy.

Tai: What was that!? Deramon: It's a Jack-in-the-Box with a serious attitude! Tai: You wouldn't happen to be leading us into some sort of trap, would you, Deramon!? Deramon: Why, of course not! I would never try anything as deceitful as Puppetmon! Cross my wings and hope to fly, honest! Kari: I believe him, Tai! How about you? Tai: (noncommital) Mm.... (Cut to the other wing) T.K.: OH BOY!!! Patamon: It's a toy! Floramon: Oh no! Make sure you don't touch it! Patamon: (touch) Uh-oh.... (Siren starts to blare) Agumon: What's happening? Floramon: WATCH OUT!!! (Floramon picks it up) Floramon: GET DOWN!!! (Floramon hurls it out the window) (Explosion) Izzy: It was a heat-activated bomb! Floramon: That's why I said don't touch anything! Agumon & Patamon: Sorry....

...it was a time bomb, Izzy.

When I was younger, I might have questioned the logic of putting a timer on a trap like this. But no, that's sound booby trap design. The bomb would have got them either way; The only reason it failed is because they had an infiltrator already familiar with the security system.

Putting a timer on your booby trap isn't a bad idea because it allows for what Floramon did. It is, in fact, a good idea because it allows for what Floramon did. The worst-case scenario with a trap like this is not that it fails to kill an intruder. It's that it successfully turns you into wall paste because you woke up groggy and forgot it was armed.

Good security design accounts for the possibility that your dumb ass might accidentally set it off one day. After all, an intruder only rolls those dice once; You're going to roll them every single day of your life going forward. A +19 circumstantial bonus won't save you from a Nat 1.

In any case, apart from Izzy misidentifying the bomb, this is a pretty solid adaptation.

From here, we return to Mimi and Jou, who are still conversing with Ogremon.

Ogremon: You want to know why I fight with Leomon? Mimi: Yes. I want to understand the meaning behind your fights. Ogremon: Having a 'meaning' would make it too complicated. I guess you could say that Leomon and I are eternal rivals. Mimi: So what will happen when one of you wins? Ogremon: When one of us wins? I guess we'll cheer "HOORAY!!!" and know that we're stronger. Mimi: And after that? Ogremon: What do you mean, after that? Mimi: Then your rival would be gone. Ogremon: Leomon would be gone...? NEGH!!! Don't say things like that! I don't want to think about it!

Ogremon has no answer to Mimi's question and it freaks him the fuck out.

Ogremon: Defeating Leomon is the only thing that brings meaning to my life. (voice breaks) If he were gone, I'd... I'd.... Mimi: That's a logical contradiction. Think carefully about this. Ogremon: SHUT UP!!! I'm still going to defeat Leomon! What comes next... It doesn't matter! I'll think about that after I've beaten him! Jou: So, in the end, we just came full circle.

Jou finds this to have been an uneventful exchange, but it's clear that Ogremon's flailing. Mimi's question cut him deep, nearly bringing him to tears, and now he's frantically backpedaling. She's planted a seed of doubt in his mind, even if it didn't bear fruit today.

Before this can go any further, an explosion is heard outside.

Jou: Huh? (Jou goes out to look around) Jou: What the...?

In stepping outside, Jou walks right into the trap. MetalEtemon lowers himself from a vine, singing.

MetalEtemon: Fo~ound yooooooou! Jou: RUN FOR IT!!!

The group flees their temporary shelter, running for their lives once again.

The dub opens this exchange with a gag.

Mimi: Ogremon, can I ask you a personal question? Ogremon: Yes, it's true; I don't floss. Mimi: That's not what I was going to ask! Why do you fight with Leomon? Do you have him? Ogremon: No, no. It's not a question of hate. It's our destiny to fight each other. He and I will be rivals for all eternity. Mimi: Well, if that's your only purpose in life, what would happen if you actually won? Ogremon: I never really thought about it before. Maybe I'll take a vacation; A cruise is always nice. Mimi: And after that? Ogremon: What do you mean, after that? Mimi: Well if the fight's over, you wouldn't have a rival anymore! Ogremon: Of course I would. He and I are like two old warriors; Fighting a war that has no beginning and has no end. Why, the only reason I exist at all is to defeat Leomon and if he were gone, well... I'm so confused. Mimi: You've got to have more of a purpose in life than to just defeat Leomon. Ogremon: Leave me alone! You can't possibly understand! This rivalry is as old as time itself! I don't care what happens; I'll think about it after I've defeated Leomon! Joe: You're getting way too excited! I'd better take your blood pressure.

XD Goddammit, Joe. That was funny, and a good reminder that he's technically Ogremon's physician right now.

This conversation goes off-track right around "If the fight's over, you won't have a rival anymore." The point of this scene is that Mimi is trying to get Ogremon to think about death; The logical conclusion of his and Leomon's violent rivalry. And succeeding!

In the dub, Ogremon blows right through the question, presuming that even after one of them wins, their rivalry will continue on forever anyways. The only concession he offers is that he briefly gets "confused".

Mimi then derails her own topic by questioning Ogremon's purpose in life instead of keeping the conversation centered on "What happens to the other one when one of you dies?"

MetalEtemon: (Tarzan yell) Joe: What's that? (Joe goes out to look around) Joe: It came from out here.... MetalEtemon: I FOUND YOU!!! Joe: RUN!!!

This part is another victim of the dub clearly not knowing which sound effects are supposed to go with the footage. Once again they mess up a plot point delivered only through sound.

The thing that draws Joe's attention is a mysterious explosion. That's what he's investigating. The dub uses MetalEtemon's Tarzan yell, which... Like... Why would Joe walk towards MetalEtemon's Tarzan yell when they're hiding from MetalEtemon?

He knows what that sound means. He was there the first time MetalEtemon did it.

Bad sound choice.

Back at the mansion, Pinocchimon finally returns home after a long day of monkey business.

It does not go well.

Pinocchimon: Who should I play with next...? Taichi: (watching through mini telescope) Pinocchimon's on his way back.

Taichi's crew have reunited offscreen and found a cannon upstairs in the mansion. Agumon and Koushiro are inspecting it while he scouts.

Taichi: Is it ready? Koushiro: None of us know how to fire this thing. Agumon: (turns to the others) You guys! Delumon: You want me to fire it de aru!? Very well, but you DEFINITELY have to keep this a secret from Pinocchimon de aru! Taichi: We know! Agumon: De aruuu~!

Delumon and Floramon roll the cannon up to the window.

Delumon: Here we go de aru! Floramon: Alignment set. Delumon: FIIIIIIRE DE ARU!!!

To his complete shock, cannonballs explode around Pinocchimon.

Pinocchimon: W-WHAT!?!? WHAT THE!?

He turns around and swiftly retreats, taking cover behind a giant tree root.

Pinocchimon: Great, a hiding spot! I get it... This must be the Chosen Children! Just you wait... I'll get rid of you once and for all!

Once he's gotten his bearings, he raises his Bullet Hammer, dives back over the root, and charges for the mansion. He screams a full-throated battle roar as he charges, cannonballs exploding and ripping up the cobblestone walkway all around him.

In the dub:

Puppetmon: Who should I play with next? Tai: Puppetmon's coming back! Are you ready? Izzy: It would help if I had some idea of how this worked. Agumon: You do it. Deramon: What!? That's against every principle I stand for! Alright, what the heck, I'll do it but don't tell Puppetmon! It'll be our secret! Tai: Yeah, yeah. Agumon: We know! (Deramon and Floramon prepare the cannon) Deramon: Okay, I've got him in my sights. Ready! Aim! FIIIIIRE!!!

The dub puts its final commercial break here, right before the cannon fires. We return a couple seconds earlier to Deramon and Floramon wheeling the cannon to the window.

Deramon: I can see him coming! TAKE THIS, PUPPETMON!!! (Cannonfire begins) Puppetmon: Wha--!? WHOA!!! WHO'S SHOOTING AT ME!? (Puppetmon flees and takes cover behind a vine) Puppetmon: I know who it is! It's the DigiDestined! Hey, that's not fair! You're using my toys! (Puppetmon charges the mansion)

Not sure why Deramon would scream "Take this Puppetmon" when he doesn't want Puppetmon to know it's him, but that's a nitpick. This is pretty good, and the "That goes against my principles; Okay I'll do it" bit makes for a solid replacement for this round of the de aru gag.

Elsewhere in the woods, MetalEtemon continues his search for his prey.

MetalEtemon: (calling) Where did you go, Chosen Children!?

MetalEtemon swings from a vine, searching for the kids and Ogremon; All of whom are taking cover under the nearby bushes to escape his sight.

Once he's gone, they get up to move. However, a bestial snarl from nearby catches their attention. The silhouette of a large creatre appears nearby.

Mimi: H-Huh!? Jou: Enemy or ally!?

The creature reveals themselves, emerging from the brush. It's a huge, vaguely familiar sabertoothed lion. Ogremon gasps at the sight of it, raising his club threateningly.

Three guesses who that is and the first two don't count.

In the dub:

MetalEtemon: You can't hide from me, I'm the king of swing!

Dub MetalEtemon harmonizes his Tarzan yell into a genuinely pleasant melody. I love this stupid monkey man so much. XD

(New creature appears) Mimi: What is that!? Joe: Friend or foe!? Ogremon: (eager) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Narrator: Who is this new creature? Could he be Ogremon's archrival? And will Puppetmon escape Deramon's cannon blast to take his revenge on the DigiDestined? Tune in for the next episode of Digimon: Digital Monsters!

I want to make a "SPOILERS FUCK" comment here but I'm not entirely convinced that the Dub Team ever watched episodes in advance so he might actually be speculating.

Assessment: Mimi gets a lot of focus in this one and Etemon returns so that automatically makes it the best episode in the series FIGHT ME

In seriousness, the Mimi arc is up and running with Ogremon challenged on the precise nature of his rivalry and what he wants out of it. Meanwhile, the battle with Pinocchimon has officially kicked off.

The dub handles this episode pretty well. There's a few missteps with characterization here and there as usual but overall a pretty good one, with plenty of jokes that land and their typical highly entertaining take on Etemon - though at a cost to much of Pinocchimon's personality.

[sakustars]

HQ!! BOYS WITH AN S/O IN A BAND

sfw; fluff; established relationships; gn!reader; reader is a drummer in lev’s and a guitarist in atsumu’s

ft: suna, hinata, lev, atsumu, yachi, bokuto

you know how small bands often hire photographers so they can post good pictures on social media for publicity? yeah, suna’s got you covered.

this man makes sure he’s right at the front and centre of every one of your gigs, snapping away, somehow managing to get the best angles and lighting every time.

he shares the photos with you afterwards in the greenroom, pulling you onto his lap and pointing out all his favourites — “you look so pretty leaning back like that, you should do it more often”.

you honestly didn’t know how hinata managed to balance his schedule so well — you could have sworn he had volleyball practice that night, but there he was, hopping about in the crowd.

he did have practice that night.

volleyball was super important to him, but so were you, so as soon as practice finished, he packed his bag as fast as possible and gunned it across town, mach twenty. lets just say the ticket guy was confused why a tiny ginger kid, horribly out of breath, was holding his ticket out to him like it was his only salvation.

what can he say, he’s a die hard fan.

having a tall boyfriend has it’s perks — knowing that lev can see you even though you were right at the back of the stage always boosted your motivation to perform well.

every gig he attended, you would make sure to do a little drumstick flip, just because you knew he thought it was the coolest thing in the world.

and not to mention videos — it was so rare for you to get any good ones, but with his height, lev could catch all your awesome moments, albeit you couldn’t really hear the drums over his excited cheering.

atsumu is determined to learn guitar for you — “we could be one of those cute couples on the internet, doin’ duets an’ shit, serious, babe”.

if you buy him a guitar for dummies book for christmas, expect lots of kisses in return, though prepare for even more whining for you to be the one to teach him.

love love loves when you sit him down to plaster cute hello kitty band aids over the blisters forming on his finger tips, gazing up at you with heart eyes as you scold him — “this could affect your setting you know?” — but you are touched that he would do this all for you.

you don’t need to provide free tickets for yachi — she works part time at the venue your band frequently performs at.

imagine her serving people drinks at the bar, occasionally throwing them off guard as she suddenly yells “yeah baby!” when your solo starts.

almost faints when you blow her a kiss from all the way over on stage, and a fellow coworker has to start fanning her with a dishcloth. it’s worth it though, to see the flustered expression on her face.

bokuto is very conflicted at your gigs. on one hand, he desperately wants to jump around and dance to your music. on the other, he’s very aware how big he is, and doesn’t want to accidentally crush someone.

half the time he can’t even pay attention, profusely apologising to the people behind him for blocking their view, despite them reassuring him multiple times that really, it’s okay.

after your gig has finished, he always manages to find you, picking you up and twirling around, showering you with compliments of how wonderful you are, as you blush at the crowd he’s drawing — some fans pulling out there phones to post about how cute their favourite band member is with their boyfriend.

🪐a/n: reblogs, likes and comments r very appreciated <3

[believesthings]

Not Just A Girl - Chapter 1 // Jason Sudeikis X Reader

Summary: You’re a new up and coming actress. At your first awards show, you run into your celebrity crush, Jason Sudeikis. Trying to navigate the bond you form with him while both juggling your respective careers proves to be quite the task with some unexpected twists along the way.

A/N: In the interest of full disclosure, the series is going to get dark. I promise I will give fair warning when those chapters come up. For now, we’re just setting it all up.

_____________________________________________

The fact that you’ve managed to make it through all the flashing lights and shouts of reporters without tripping on your own feet could only be classified as a miracle.

Stopping just on the outskirts of the grand hall, looking out onto the crowd, you still find it amazing that you are actually considered part of this group. You had grown accustomed to being home, performing on a fairly small stage, you still hadn’t grown accustomed to this.

Being a part of a debut film that turned out to be a major success is still something you are marveling at. Standing at the precipice of this huge event, overlooking a sea of celebrities that you’ve admired for so many years, you feel like you’re dreaming.

You fidget with the bracelet around your wrist, a nervous habit you seemed to have developed over the years. Glancing down at your own attire, it suddenly occurs to you that these pictures will ultimately be on the internet tomorrow for everyone and their mothers to critique your gown of choice. Oh God. Am I going to end up on one of those worst dressed lists?

You try to shake the thought from your mind, one of the best and worst things about the internet is that it moves so fast that even if people hate your outfit, they’ll only be talking about it for a day and then something else will bump you out of the headlines.

When you readjust and look back out into the crowd, you spot the profile of Jason Sudeikis up ahead and your breath hitches in your throat. You were staring, you knew this, but you couldn’t help it. He was laughing; a full genuine laugh that you couldn’t help but crack a smile at. You couldn’t see who he was with because of the crowd but he was clearly in good company.

As fairytale-esque as it sounds, it felt like his laughter somehow cut through all the noise of the crowd and reached your ears. Since there was a pretty respectable distance between the two of you, you figured you could get away with checking him out from here. His suit looked impeccable and the body within was also looking pretty great from where you were standing.

Whatever stylist helped pick out this outfit for him tonight deserved a raise. They put in the work and it was definitely paying off.

In all of your daydreaming, you have neglected to notice that his gaze has now turned in your direction and if you didn’t know better, you would say he is looking directly at you. It seems he has caught you red-handed.

Oh shit. Is it too late to turn back around and go home? By your most liberal of calculations, if you turn back now and start burrowing into the ground from embarrassment you could be in China before midnight.

During all of this, you notice that Jason is still maintaining eye contact with you and suddenly breathing doesn’t seem to be possible for you anymore. He dips his head down towards the person he was speaking with and against your better judgment, he seems to be weaving his way through the crowd and making his way directly to you.

You are briefly pulled away from Jason to see Brett Goldstein’s head pop around the corner to follow Jason’s progress and, it seems, to follow right behind him but he’s pulled away by someone else wanting to speak with him.

Jason seems to naturally part the crowd. He’s already closed the majority of the distance between the two of you. Jesus. You’ve thought about this so many times, wondering what it would be like to be in the same space as him.

Suddenly, he’s there, holding his hand out. Your brain seems to be moving three beats behind as you try to process what’s happening. “Hello.”

Thankfully, you manage to recover. “Hi, Mr. Sudeikis.”

He’s quick to amend, “Oh please, you can just call me Jason. I don’t remember the last time anyone called me Mr. Sudeikis.”

“Right. Okay. Jason.” You say it almost slowly and awkwardly, testing the name out on your tongue. You figured you should try to rectify the immense amount of staring you were doing so you, rather lamely, spilled out, “I was just… admiring your suit. You know - it’s really nice and it looks great on you.” Oh god. That hole to China is looking pretty good right about now.

If he notices your embarrassment (and honestly, how could he not?) He doesn't say anything. He seems to take it all in stride, which you’re thankful for.

“Brett is actually the one that was insisting I come over. I’m sure he’ll find a way to introduce himself as soon as he can break free. Couldn’t miss out on a chance to congratulate you on your nomination tonight. Brett and I both really loved the film! It was incredible.”

You’ve grown so accustomed to promoting the film over the last several months that your responses at this point are ready on autopilot. At least this conversation topic puts you back on familiar ground instead of you making a fool out of yourself in front of this incredibly gorgeous man. “I really owe it all to the writers, you know? The script is what makes it incredible, I’m just glad I got to participate.”

He looks down, fidgeting with his own fingers, you let your gaze glide down and admire them for a moment until he speaks again, “there’s even some rumors of a sequel…” he trails off, leaving it open for you.

You decide to play coy about the whole affair. “Oh, I’ll guess we’ll just have to see.. that does sound like it would be nice.”

He peers around you and suddenly asks, “So, no date tonight?”

Dear God. Was this really happening?

There was no current man in your life as it just so happened, but that certainly didn’t stop the media outlets from trying to stir something up regardless. The two main male co-stars, Andrew Garfield and Will Poulter had certainly been linked to you many times throughout the project. While you bonded with them both incredibly well and built a close friendship over the course of several months, there was no romantic element there - despite how many articles the Daily Mail wrote about the matter.

You smiled at Jason, “Oh, I’m sure Andrew and Will are around here somewhere making the rounds with dates of their own but I have no one special to ask and my mom couldn’t make it out here in time to be my plus one. So, it would appear that I’m flying solo tonight.”

Surely, all the camera flashes were going to head because you could have sworn that you saw Jason’s smile grow just a little more upon hearing that you were unattached for the evening.

You almost manage to block out the noise and chaos of the rest of the night until Brett finally makes his way to the both of you, clapping his hand on Jason’s shoulder. Glancing back and forth between the two of you, he jokes, “Well then, what have we decided to name the first born?”

Jason shakes his head lightly and chuckles at Brett’s antics while your eyes seem to have doubled in size at his comment. Brett seems undeterred, however, holding his hand out to you to introduce himself. “Hello, lovely to meet you. I’m sure Jason has already gushed that we are massive fans. We both loved All Your Monsters. Great fucking film.”

“Thank You!” You manage to squeak out while reaching out to shake his hand.

He smiles at you and fuck it is charming. “I guess this is your first big award ceremony? Take a deep breath, you’ll be alright.”

He turns his attention to Jason, “Jesus Christ. Have you at least offered the lady a drink?”

Jason lets out a small laugh, “No, Brett. I hadn’t gotten that far yet.” He reaches his hand up to run his hair over his facial hair, a motion that you’ve come to recognize after seeing it countless times in interviews over the years.

Brett takes a quick scan around the room before nodding his head off to the side, “Plenty of time before they shuffle us off to our seats if you’d like to do it now.”

They both look over at you and you nod in agreement. Lord knows you could certainly use alcohol right about now. Jason holds his arm out to you to help lead you to the bar. The floor is particularly slick and your shoes were not agreeing with the material. (Plus it gave you an excuse to touch him and you certainly weren’t going to turn that down).

Your nervousness for the event had risen once again. When your outfit was being put together, there were many discussions back and forth that the height of the heels or the length of the dress wouldn’t be a problem since the majority of the event was going to be seated anyway. However, the walk up the building and the massive ballroom at the entryway were clearly not taken into consideration when this design was taking place. Honestly, fuck winning an award at this point - your only goal was to not eat shit up the stairs.

Brett and Jason had altered their stride to prevent you from having to run to keep up with them. How nice it must be to be six feet tall with legs that go one for miles! That thought causes your mind to drift to Jason’s lower half in the suit he’s wearing and before you know it - you’re at the bar. Brett and Jason whispering between themselves over drinks.

You take a moment to graze over the mass of people - many of which you’ve only ever seen when there’s a screen in between them and yourself.

“What would you like?” Jason’s voice is in your ear, and you feel the light flutter of his fingers on your forearm. It takes you a couple seconds to snap back to reality. “With my nerves? I could really use a shot right now. Do they really encourage you to drink before these things?”

Brett replies, “Yeah. But the real fun doesn’t happen until the after-party.”

Right, the after-party. You’d never been to an after-party before and it occurs to you now that this probably would have been a good thing to talk about with your manager. Did you need some special VIP access to go to that? You assume Brett and Jason are going, would it be too forward for you to ask to join them?

God, the lighting is doing wonders for the both of them - Damn you and your weakness for tall men with low voices. “Hmm.. after-party? Sounds like trouble.”

You hear your name being called and you turn to see Will grinning widely at you while weaving his way in your direction.

Jason greets Will before you even have time to blink. “Some friend you are! Poor Brett and I had to introduce ourselves to your co-star here.”

Will laughs at his greeting before shooting a rather pointed look towards you. “Hey, I’m just happy that someone actually managed to snag her. Once she told me she wasn’t bringing a date, I suspected she wasn’t going to show up at all. She still hasn’t gotten the hang of crowds.”

Jason passes you the shot you requested and Brett chuckles at Will. “It seems that something caught her eye before she could dart away.”

Your blush crept up again - apparently no one at this event is going to let you live down the fact that you’ve spent the evening checking Jason out. Will gives you a questioning look, raising his eyebrows at you and you sheepishly shrug in response and swig back the shot in your hands. You were probably going to need more of these to get through the evening. An intercom informs everyone that the show will be starting momentarily and a flurry of people are rushing past making their way to their designated seats.

“I believe we’re seated next to each other! Come on.” Will gestures toward you but Jason manages to snag your hand one last time before Will whisks you away. “I hope you’ll be around afterwards?”

You smile and nod at him, quickly waving your goodbyes to both him and Brett, following along at Will’s heels to your seats.

“Andrew has already found our seats, apparently we’re right up front.” He nods down towards your hands. “That shot helping your nerves at all?”

You make a feeble attempt to turn back and see if you can still see Jason at the bar, but the sea of people obstructing your view is too much for you to be able to tell for sure. “Yeah… Wouldn’t have hurt to ask for another one though.” You murmur.

Will is suddenly stopping in front of you - the auditorium laid out in front of you and lord, is it beautiful.

He gently pulls your hand forward through an opening in the crowd, making his way through the vast number of seats towards your spot in the front. You're delighted to see that Will has brought his sister along as his date for the evening. You met her over the course of the film and the press tours and the two of you have managed to form quite a bond.

You try to peer your head to see who is seated next to Andrew, but her back is faced toward you and it’s hard to get a good look. When he stands to give you a hug, you sneak your head to find, not a date, but his publicist sitting next to him.

Since there are assigned seats at this event, everyone is bustling to land in their designated spots. You wonder briefly where Jason and Brett have been placed, you seem to have lost them in the shuffle of making your way up to the front.

There is a call for a five minute warning and a brief flicker of the lights and you begin to turn your head to take in everyone around you. You’re sure you look something akin to an over-excited child but it is your first awards show. Could they really blame you?

You spot Brett first, two rows behind you, you shoot him a small wave. He nods and returns the greeting before he knowingly tilts his head and nods across the aisle. You spin around trying to make out exactly where he was gesturing. You spot Jason on the end of an aisle, also two rows behind you. He seems to be fairly deep in talk with Brendan Hunt, his hands get more and more animated as he speaks.

You don’t get a chance to catch his eye before Will is gently grabbing your wrist to pull you towards your seat. “There will be plenty of commercial breaks for you to lust over him, along with every other girl in the universe. Talk to me! I haven’t seen you in weeks, you know.”

Jo, his sister, leans over “It’s been two weeks, drama queen. Leave the poor girl alone.”

You smile at her and turn your attention toward Will. “I missed you too! And I am not lusting, thank you very much.”

He rolls his eyes, clearly not buying it. His sister jumps in again. “Even if she is, so what?” She’s single. She’s hot. She’s earned the right to lust. Who are we lusting after anyway?”

You subtly point your way back to where Jason is sitting. You don’t think he could make out your point from here but you still don’t want any chances of being too obvious.

Jo turns her head back, catching sight of him. “Ah. I admire your taste.” She giggles at you.

Will suddenly speaks up, “Ew.”

You both whip your heads towards him, Jo rolling her eyes at her brother. “We’re ignoring you now. It’s girl talk time.”

You lean into her side and nod your head over to Andrew. “No date for him tonight?”

She leans in closer to you to whisper, “Will and I begged him not to bring her.”

“You’re telling me that he was actually considering bringing her?” Your eyes widen in surprise.

Jo sighs and nods but before you can dig in more, the lights are going down. You settle back into your seat and lean back over to Will. “Hey, I really wasn’t lying earlier when I said I missed you too, you know.”

He grins at you, “Yeah, I know. Love You.”

You playfully pinch his cheek. “Love you too. Dork.”

The first half seems to fly by, which you weren’t expecting. The atmosphere was totally different from watching it from home.

At the sign of an upcoming commercial break, with the lights going up, everyone seems to be rising from their seats to find friends and mingle. There were actually a number of people making their way up to your little group in the front. To be fair, most of them seem to be stopping by to see Andrew and Will but there were a few coming up specifically to you as well, which was jarring to say the least. You were waiting to see if Jason or Brett would slide their way back over but they never did. You suppose you shouldn’t be too surprised though, they were both very popular in this crowd and you were sure they were getting bombarded with people of their own.

You fiddle with your bracelet again in the midst of the crowd, nerves crawling their way through your stomach. The music swells again signaling everyone to get back in their seats.

This cycle continues and you're surprised to find that during the next commercial break, a stream of actors that you adore make their way over to congratulate you on the film and commend you on your work. You’re growing increasingly grateful for that shot you took earlier, taking the nerves out of your conversations.

But you can’t relax too much quite yet since your category is up next. You’ve resigned yourself to accepting that you’re not going to win. You’re up against seasoned professionals whose talent is leaps and bounds above yours. You just want to get this section over - rip it off like a bandaid and then maybe go find Brett and Jason.

You watch with interest as they show clips from each film from all your nominees. Once your own scene comes up, you watch with a sense of detachment. Your mind wanders to whether or not there truly will be a sequel and if they would ask you back for it. You would be lying if you said you weren’t hoping for it. You really did love this role.

You’re pulled out of thoughts by a bright light and a camera. Right, the reaction shot. Give them a pleasant smile before they move on to the next woman.

It takes you a moment to realize that they aren’t moving on. Will is laughing beside you and prodding you to stand up.

Oh god, did you win? You didn’t even hear them announce it.

The nerves are back in full force.You stand and glance at the two sets of stairs, remembering the floor and these heels. Don’t fall. Don’t fall. God, who designed this place?

Will leans forward from his chair to gently push you toward the stairs since you seem to be too starstruck to move, which elicits some chuckles from the people around you. Andrew stands up and gives you his hand which you happily accept making your way up the stairs. Once you make it to the stage, an award is thrust in your hands and you stare down at it while you are ushered to the microphone in the center.

“Oh, wow.” you blink down at the trophy in your hand and a laugh bubbles out of you at the absurdity of this entire evening. You feel like you’re floating outside of your own body right now, How is this real life? The award is heavier than you were expecting.

“Man, I bet my mom is regretting not coming as my date now.” You say this more to yourself than anyone else, a round of laughter comes from the crowd in front of you. “This award really isn’t for me, it’s for everyone that worked so tirelessly on our film. Our producers, the director, the cast and crew. Will and Andrew, thank you for being the best costars a girl could ask for. Every decision I’ve made since the age of 14 has been in the interest of one day wanting to make movies and I am deeply indebted to every member of our team that put forth incredible, time consuming work to make that dream possible and every member of the board that voted to recognize the talent of that team.”

You nodded at the sign indicating for you to wrap up.

You giggle, “Mom and dad, I’ll let you fight over who gets to hold the trophy first the next time I come home. Thank you.”

You turn to be led offstage and are met with a flurry of motion behind the curtain. Interviewers were all over, wanting to get word with each performer after their win.

“It isn’t going to bite, you know.”

You whip your head around to find… Brett. He had been a presenter for the evening which you guess explains his presence back here.

“Oh, I know. I’m actually waiting for it to melt in my hands and then I’ll violently awaken from my dream.” You quip at him, not missing all the surrounding cameras that are surely catching every angle of this interaction.

He laughs at you and embraces you in a light hug, his hand hovering over the small of your back. Nodding his head toward the upcoming interviewers and their mics in hand. “Go on, then. There’s food beyond that door there once you get done talking to them.”

The mention of food pulls you back to reality. You are absolutely starving. You do some brief interviews and are led even further backstage where a stagehand directs you to a buffet style table with more food than you’ve ever seen in your life. You pause at the monitor to watch what is happening with the rest of the ceremony. You must have missed the best male lead award while you were being interviewed, you catch the tail end of applause while Brett makes his way back out to present the next award.

You survey the table, grab a napkin and pick up some food for yourself, you try to be careful with what you pick out, you haven’t always been the most graceful person and you’re sure your costume designer would not be thrilled at the sight of a stain on your dress.

You make your way towards the end of the table, working your trophy into the crook of your elbow as you attempt to pick up a flute of champagne. You felt ridiculous and you were sure you looked equally insane.

“Need a hand?” A soft touch grazes your shoulder and you jump slightly at the sound of Jason’s voice. You look down to see him holding a similar award in his hand, He won best actor and you missed it.

Jason motions in a way to indicate that he is going to grab your award to allow you the opportunity to pick up a glass. “Congratulations by the way.”

You nod your head down at his own award, “Congratulations to you too.”

Knocking your own drink back you remember your manners, “Oh - Here would you like one too?” looking at him to see both awards in his hands.

You place your food down to grab him a flute of champagne as he works his own award into the crook of his arm, taking the glass from your hand. He raises the glass to toast you.

Interviewers make their way to Jason and you sneak out of the way, not wanting to be caught on camera stuffing your face. The cameramen seem to take notice of the two awards in Jason’s grasp and raise their eyebrows, one camera pans wide to include you in the moment while you are mid sip. Great. You’re sure that will be a glamorous picture making its rounds on the internet tomorrow morning.

Jason takes it all in stride, no stranger to these types of events. “Oh, you know, what can I say? Can’t resist a lady in need of a hand.”

God, how does he not know how many women of the world are swooning over him right now?

The interviewers and cameramen seemed satisfied to move on to the number of other performers milling around backstage. Best Film has been announced and the night seems to be winding down, Jason reaches out and grabs your empty glass, you can’t help but note the feeling of his fingertips grazing over you as he grabs the glass. He disposes of both of your glasses at the end of the table where everyone seems to be sitting their discarded glasses from the evening.

Brett rejoins both of you, taking note of both awards still in Jason’s hands. “Careful there, love. If you don’t keep an eye on him, he will try to take both of those home with him.”

You laugh at him, “If he does, I believe he will have to fight my mother for it. She’ll probably be more upset than me, if I’m being honest.” you hold your hands up in surrender as jason rolls his eyes and reaches out to hand you back your trophy. You nod at him, “Thanks.”

Jason navigates his hand to your back. “Shall we take you back to your costars?” The two men are off again, guiding you through the crowd. You spot Jo at the side stage door and she waves her hand in an attempt to get your attention. She holds up your clutch. Thank god she thought to grab it from the crook of your seat after going onstage. Bless that woman.

Jo manages to scurry over to you, handing off your clutch. She shoots knowing eyes back and forth between you and Jason and you giggle at her. “You better fill me in on everything later.”

You roll your eyes, “There’s not much to fill - we only just met.”

Will makes his way over to the both of you. Gesturing down to your award, he says, “Are you going to carry that around with you to the after parties?”

Your eyes widen at him. “Parties? Plural? How late are we going to be staying out?” Which only elicits a laugh.

You take a moment to briefly pull your phone from your clutch to see an onslaught of calls and messages. You lock your phone back and decide to filter through all of them later when you can really give them your full attention.

Before you can put your phone back into your clutch, Brett makes his way to you. “May I?” He holds his hands out and glances down at your phone. You’re so charmed by him that you don’t question handing it over.

You watch as he swiftly types something into your phone and hands it back to you with a wink, “For future reference.” He sends a text to the new number he has programmed into your phone. “This way we can make sure that we will all run into each other again tonight.” He looks over to a small group that has formed around their seats, waiting for Jason and Brett to join with interest. Both he and Jason nod towards the group and Brett adds, “I believe we are being summoned.”

They depart and Will is quick to fill the empty space. Clapping his hands eagerly, he looks between you, Andrew and his sister. “So, where are we going first?”

— —

Will is determined to take the lead guiding you through the chaos that is award show after parties; Andrew has broken apart from the group and you and Jo share a glance with each other knowing that he is probably sneaking out to call her.

Will leads the three of you to your table and you turn your attention to your phone, grazing through the messages from friends and family. You snap a couple pictures to send off to people. Jo orders drinks for Will as you notice that he has already made his way to the dance floor. You order a drink of your own and place your phone down on the table, turning towards Jo.

Pointing to her brother, “Should we join him?”

She laughs at his antics. “Maybe later. He’s in full force tonight. With those dance moves, if we get too close he might take out an eye.”

Your phone rumbles on the tabletop and you both glance down at it. The word GOLDSTEIN flashing up on the screen. She swoops her hand down and picks up your phone, answering the call.

“Hello?” She sneaks a glance over to you, “Why, yes she is sitting right here. Yes… We’re at their table already… Ok.” She hangs up and glances your way, wiggling her eyebrows at you, “Those boys are really enamored with you, you know.”

“What?” You ask, surely she must be mistaken.

The server returns with your drinks and you make an attempt at a half-stand to wave down Will to signal to him that his drink is here. When you rise, however, you are met with Jason and Brett making their way towards you.

Jason seems to make it to you first, “Hello, again.” he flashes you a gorgeous smile.

“Hi.”

Will makes his way back over to the table, plucking the glass off the tabletop. Brett settles in next to Jo, introducing himself. Will comes over, slinging his arm around your shoulder, looking between Jason and you. “I gotta tell you, Sudeikis, I’m glad she ran into you tonight. Huge fangirl, this one. When we weren’t filming she was gabbing on and on about how much she loves your work.”

Jason looks over at you, giving you a surprised glance, “...Really?”

You shoot daggers in Will’s direction. “Well, I won’t deny I’m a fan, but I don’t think I was that embarrassing about it, right Will?”

Will sends you a sheepish look. “Right, sorry.” looking back towards Jason he says, “My apologies, she only loves you a totally normal amount.” With that, he’s back on the dance floor again.

“I’m so sorry about that..” You trail off, not really sure where to go from here.

Jason shrugs it off, “No need. I appreciate the appreciation. The feeling is certainly mutual.”

The rest of the night powers on in a blur of dancing, conversation, photos, meetings with celebrities you never dreamed you would get a chance to meet. Jason removes his suit jacket as the night goes on and you have to order another shot at the sight of him.

At some godforsaken hour, everyone seems to agree to call it a night. Once you make it back, lying in bed, thankful to finally be free of your heels and off your feet, you scroll through your phone, looking at all the additional contacts you’ve made through the night.

You send a photo of your trophy to your parents, safe and sound on your bedside table, proving to them that you didn’t lose it through all the festivities of the night.

You halt your scrolling and hover over Jason’s name. You’re not entirely sure when he even got the chance to do so, but at some point in the evening, Jason had managed to add his own phone number into your contact list, along with a contact photo, with the one little tendril falling down over his forehead.

You’re sure that sleep will be difficult to come by but eventually, as it always does, even on nights when you think it’s impossible, sleep finds its way to you anyway.

– —

The hotel phone is shrieking loudly in your ear, jolting you awake. You pick it up, answering while still half asleep.

“Hello?” you mumble.

You immediately recognize the voice of your agent, Todd, on the other end of the line. “Good morning sunshine! Long night? Did you have a good time?” sounding way too chipper for this hour of the morning. Knowing your agent, he’s probably downing his fourth cup of coffee as he speaks.

You stretch in bed, taking a peak at the clock. “Oh Jesus, Todd. It’s only 7 AM, Can’t I sleep in a little bit more?” You’re sure this isn’t going to happen though, even if Todd were to hang up right now. Once you wake up, you can’t get back to sleep.

“I’m calling from the lobby - I have something I want to show you. You have until I finish reading this article and then I will be up there.” He hangs up and you lift yourself out of bed, preparing yourself for his arrival.

Putting the finishing touches on trying to make yourself appear more awake, you hear a knock on the door, darting up through the peephole, you spot Todd, with a steaming cup of coffee in hand, bless him.

Opening the door, you scoop the cup from his hands. “You’re a godsend.” you say, taking a gulp of the drink in your hands.

He steps into the doorway, looking you up and down. “Well, you seem to be the same girl I’ve worked with these past few months.”

Rolling your eyes at his antics, “Todd, it’s one award.”

“I know but you made quite the impression last night it seems. He holds up a stack of papers and magazines. “I wasn’t sure how much you had seen on the internet, so I bought a few for you to check out. The clip of Will having to practically push you on stage is being talked about quite a bit.”

He takes to unfolding the publications, reading the headlines to you. “Blushing breakout star steals our hearts at first big event!”

He tosses the article your way and you’re just starting to read it when he interrupts again. “However, this one is my favorite: “Costar Competition: Sudeikis Vs. Goldstein; who will win the heart of Hollywood’s newest headliner?”

He dives into a dramatic reading of the article, you grab his arm and stop it from wildly swinging around so you can get a look at the article in question. There’s the pictures of you backstage with Brett and Jason, taking up the page. “Good lord, this made it to the presses quickly.”

He reaches over and picks up your trophy from your bedside table, locking it in your room’s safe. “You should probably get prepared for more attention.”

“Should I warn them? I should warn them, right?”

You open your phone to see Jason’s silly contact photo and smile at yourself, drafting a text to him first.

I hope this doesn’t wake you.

Todd chuckles at you. “I’m sure they already know or they’re going to as soon as they wake up today.”

You continue your message to Jason, If you haven’t seen it already, we made the papers. I’m so sorry! You snap a picture of the article laid out before him and attach it to your message.

You don’t have to wait long before a text from Jason lights up your screen.

No apology needed. You didn’t wake me, been up for a couple hours with the kids. I saw the headlines, they picked some lovely photos - you were stunning in that dress.

You re-read through the message twice, trying to calm your beating heart. Another message pops up.

I hate that we got so interrupted last night with everything going on. If you’d like, we could try again over lunch tomorrow?

Oh, you would like very much. You show the message to Todd, confirming with him that your schedule is free. Thankfully, it is.

Todd guides you to your waiting car, driving you to the set of the latest press interview you are doing with Will today.

You spot Will sitting there, reading through the article about Jason and Brett and scurry towards him, hugging him from behind, albeit a bit awkwardly, since he is sitting and you’re standing. You work your head into the crook of his shoulder and read along with him. “Good Morning!”

Will laughs at you, turning his head and giving you a kiss on the temple. “Hi. "How much sleep did you manage to squeeze out last night?”

You shrug, “About two hours.”

Sitting in your own chair next to him, he continues, “You were keeping pace with us while drinking last night. How’s your head?”

“Eh, I probably should have stopped drinking sooner but I’ve definitely felt worse.”

“By the way, Jo has requested that I inform you that the two of you are going house hunting soon. We don’t want you hotel hopping so much.”

You sigh, “I get it, but I don’t know what projects are coming down the pipe. Does it really make sense to put down roots somewhere with all the traveling?”

Wil throws his hands up in surrender, “Hey, that’s entirely up to you. I was just told to deliver the message.”

Your phone buzzes with an incoming message and you see it’s from Brett.

Quite the article, I’ve gotten the chance to read through it in between filming. It was great meeting you last night. Are you staying in town long?

About a week, you guess. Although with the promotional tour for All Your Monsters coming to close, that could always change. You tell him this and then your phone lights up again, this time with a message from Jason.

Can’t wait to see you for lunch tomorrow. Dress for comfort!

You smile down at your phone, not only are you going out with Jason Sudeikis tomorrow, but he can’t wait to see you tomorrow? What is this life?

You look over to see Will still entranced with the article. “I hate that Jason and Brett have been pulled into this.” you murmur.

Will looks at you, “That’s how it works. You have to work to ensure that you have a private element to your life. Just because you’re in the public eye, doesn’t mean the public gets free access to every part of your life.”

Todd enters the room, interrupting your conversation. “Do you have a plan for tomorrow? Do you know where you’re meeting? Do I need to order a car?”

Will excitedly jumps into the conversation, “Oh, what’s happening tomorrow? Fill me in!”

You explain the latest developments of your plans with Jason to Will and he tries and fails to suppress a grin. “Sure sounds like a date to me.” He waves the magazine between the two of you. “I bet the press will be salivating to get pictures of that.” You start to smile again and Will doesn’t let it pass without comment, “God, you’re already completely smitten with the man aren’t you? God, I pity every man hoping to win your heart, now that you’ve met him in the flesh, none of the rest of us will be able to compete!”

You roll your eyes at him. How many men could there really be out there hoping to win your heart?